~unsure~

Growing up I was not raised in a religious household, never attended church or anything. Three years ago I became an alcoholic, resulting in numerous nights of just sobbing uncontrollably, so unhappy with the fact that the only thing I found joy in was the bottom of a bottle. During one of these breakdowns I had a friend there with me, and they decided to pray over me. Never before in my life had I felt that just warm feeling of like, I’m not even sure how to explain it, just a blanket of love and comfort, knowing I’m not as alone as I believe I am. I realized my faith and love in God, but at the same time have been living with this weird internal struggle. About a year prior to this situation, I had begun studying Wicca, just slightly dipping my toes in, not carrying out rituals because I felt as though I wasn’t ready. But even all these years later I just still don’t feel ready if that makes sense? It just makes me wonder if my faith in God is kinda pushing my studies of Wicca to the side, or if I’m just aware of the fact that it’s best to carry out rituals and spells when you’re in a clear healthy mindset and well, I just haven’t had that sense of peace in what feels like years.