Me rant

There seems to be so much going on and it's making me super stressed. I feel like I should call my sisters mom but I'm also worried that I'm going to make her mad or find out that I've been blocked. I have counseling tomorrow at 10:30am and my mom has an appointment somewhere at like 12pm. I'm Tired and just want a break but I know I can't. I feel kind of forgotten. I know that I'm anti-social but the few friends I do have are sadly in public school and live far away from me now. So, being homeschooled is kind of making me sad, but I love being homeschooled. I wouldn't take being homeschooled back for anything, but it still makes me upset that most of the people I used to see, I can't see very often anymore because I moved, and some of them moved too. Like damn, it kind of sucks. Especially right now. I have a court Pre-Trial on Halloween and might be seeing my dad for the first time in almost three years. I saw him in jail a few times but I haven't had any physical contact with him. I'm scared, I'm not nervous, I'm fucking scared. I'm super weird about physical touch and I don't know how I'm gonna feel. Both of my friends are super busy with life and school. I have other friends online, but they are all in different time zones or are busy when I'm not, or the opposite depending. I wish I could cry right now, but it feels like my body is constantly about to cry. So I don't know when the next time I'll be able to is. I'm just kind of out of it and have been. The past month and a half had completely flown past me. It feels like it's only been a few days. It feels like I'm doing the same things on repeat and no matter what I seem to do to change things up, I still don't feel real and things still feel faded together.