Do my friends actually like me? (Vent/Rant)

(This is a rant/vent. Please don't bully me, I will not bother arguing with you. I'm not looking for attention nor comfort. I just need to let this out somewhere, somehow.)

In almost every group chat I have been in, I'm always the odd one. You'd see them having matching profile pictures, Genshin Impact, or some other fandom. While I, amidst their matching profile pics, have something like a car, a truck, a cat, a chair, or whatever. It's different and awkward, isn't it?

I just keep wondering to myself, do I really beling here? Am I wanted here? Why am I even here? Do they really care?

I'll be in the group chat, talking about things I did today, sometimes asking them to do something with me, but they just ignore it. 

Are you mad at me? Am I being annoying? Do you not like it? I ask myself repeatedly. Everyday.

If you don't, you can tell me. The thing I like most about people os honesty towards me, since I'm dumb and dense. What the fuck are social cues anyway?

It would be nice if my friends told me if I did something wrong, if I'm annoying, or if they don't wanna do something with me. Instead of ignoring me, why don't you tell me? At least I have to know. I would only react negatively if you said it rudely. Nevertheless, I'd like you to tell me. I would change for you. For my friends.

But hey, who would tell their friends that they're annoying anyway? That's rude. That's dumb. Who am I kidding?

I wish they can see this. But, who would visit a stupid fucking SpaceHey account? A blog even? Who am I kidding.

I just constantly feel empty. Somewhere in my head, my heart. Many friends, or are they just acquaintances? Acquaintances you just talk to on a daily basis? Am I just someone you talk to when you're bored?

"Whatever, who cares." But I do, a lot.

Maybe, just maybe. Maybe I feel empty, because I keep leaving pieces of me somewhere, and I can't find it anymore. I keep losing parts of myself. I had to sacrifice parts of myself. I had to tell people: "Oh, I don't like that stuff too, I hate it. Ew, totally gross haha." Just to fit in. Just for them to like me. I had to act dumb, immature. 

These people. Deep inside I know that they're just the apple of the tree they grew in. And that tree either overdosed with fertilizer, got chopped, or rotted away.

As of now, I can't feel things like I used to. I'm losing empathy. I'm turning into someone I never wanted to be. An empathetic, rude piece of shit inside.

Oh well, what can I do? Society has always been our enemy. But we are also.. Society. Meaning, we ourselves, are the number 1 enemy? I don't know. I never will.

Remember, a rose will only grow in a better environment. Don't bomb her with fertilizer. Less is bad, and too much is also bad.

Anyway, that's all. I highly doubt anyone would read all of this shit. And sorry for my bad English, it's not my first language. Plus, I legit wrote this in one go. Feel free to rant out your feelings here too.

See you next time fellow gopniks!

(I feel so "Erm, ackshually🤓☝️" while writing all of this wtf)