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How it all started
She was a girl I met in class, I will skip her name for obvious reasons. Her and I were pretty distant at first, after all I was trying to focus on myself and had just healed from my past relationship (it took 3 years :"D). Welp, this girl approached me first (strange as I wouldn't consider myself amusing enough to wake up someone's curiosity, well, not from someone as pretty as her) eventually we started to hang out without the rest of the group (formed by classmates mostly) and after one night of drinking we both declared our feelings for each other.
The tea
Well, we started dating and let me tell you she was amazing. She woke up parts I didn't even remember about myself, she took me to museum dates, we went to see the most beautiful landscapes we had at our reach and shared passionate kisses every chance we had...life was starting to take different colors (or colours), I felt happier and more vibrant. With my defenses down and with nothing to lose I went all in on the relationship, driving almost half an hour to gift some of her favorite sweets with one of my sweaters whenever she was stressed out by class or writing poems for her whenever I missed her.
I started to notice that she was growing more distant, I asked her multiple times, but she wouldn't let me into her thoughts. I was not about to lose what was now the light of my days so I tried to REALLY give it my all 100%. Every time she looked worried about something I was there to be her supporting beam, every time she looked sad I was her royal buffoon and every time she was happy I was happy whether or not I was feeling down at the moment.
Wrapping it up
Well well well, fuck me sideways, nothing worked out so I just kept trying but nope. The relationship kept going, everything super cute and happy but that uneasiness in my chest wouldn't leave, fast forward some time and I was out with some of the boys to drink a couple and have some fun until that notification sound came up (I had a custom ringtone for her to never miss her messages) I lifted up my phone really happy because I knew it was her, the message read:
"Are you busy?"
"Can we talk?"
Of course I replied, let me call you in 5 minutes.
"Don't worry"
"It is just one thing"
Something in my chest was expecting it, but I tried to deny it. Maybe she was just too stressed and needed to speak to someone as she had done in the past.
"I can't do it anymore, I feel like the relationship is going nowhere"
I reread the message, what do you mean? I replied
"I want to cut things off..."
I was just outside of the club the boys and I were going to so I told one of them I forgot my I.D. in the car and stormed off, one of them who knows me too well told me what was wrong and I had to tell him. I have to speak with [her name], something is going on, I'll tell you later don't worry. With that I stormed to my car holding the tears in and spent all the night inside of it crying my heart out to the car aux.
The aftermath
After some time with my heart in shambles (maybe a week or so) we started to speak again and share songs, even putting some on Instagram notes with some secret messages (we used to do that when we started), after all of that we had a whatsapp conversation where we stated that we still loved each other but she added that she couldn't come back and a couple of weeks later we stayed like friends. Right now she is in the 2nd year of what we are studying and I'm in 1st year, every time we see each other on break some glances can be noticed from each of us, I don't approach her because she clearly doesn't want to and she doesn't approach because who the fuck knows.
Finish
Right now I can't forget her, I have her smile inside my happy folder of my brain and her voice inside of my vault, her image evoking a smile every time it appears. I have nights of insomnia and a heartburn that won't go away. My friends tell me she doesn't deserve me but deep inside I long for her every single day. But I think that is what love is, It can hurt but in that confidence you find in your partner resides the nectar of the flower.
Additional
This was my little feelings dump, sorry if my english is not the best as it isn't my mother language. This is the first post I make in this site, Hello World!
Comments
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noni
lamento mucho que algo tan bonito haya terminado de la manera en la que la cuentas:c sonará muy cliché pero de verdad que el tiempo es buen consejero y ayuda a reparar todas las heridas. igualmente, si las cosas quedaron un poco inciertas o ambiguas, tal vez podrías en un futuro preguntarle bien el por qué decidió terminar la relación, para que puedas también encontrar el cierre que buscas<3
Gracias por el comentario de ánimo, preguntarle está complicado porque aún yendo al mismo instituto ni me mira ni me saluda, pero bueno, hay preguntas que es mejor no encontrarles respuesta supongo :"D
English:
Thx!, asking her is a little bit hard because even though we go to the same highschool she won't look/speak to me, but hey, some questions are better left unanswered :"D
by n0m4d; ; Report
lo siento mucho, el tiempo soluciona todo, ánimo<3
by noni; ; Report
gracias <3
by n0m4d; ; Report