what was that

so i hang out with a bunch of friends every while or so but i dont usually have that much fun i feel like im just there , a while ago i hanged out with a bunch of friends i thought its gonna be the same but it was not.

few months ago i met someone lets call them michelle we didnt talk that much it was online so they came that day and they were actually the first ones to see there and they helped me to get there , where we were supposed to meet with the others we had some strange awkward moments but they weren't that bad they were actually funny , we both were so autistic but it was fine idk about them but i personally didn't feel that awkward or weird like always and i hate to say it or admit it but i had fun with michelle specifically , they gave me one of their airpods and we listened to music together for an hour or so i don't want to assume anything but it probably meant nothing to them or from their perspective.

from mine it meant a lot i still think about those moments deeply and a lot whenever i listen to music or watch something we both like , every time i remember everything shows in slow motion as if its a movie or whatever and i know i sound overreacting but this is how it was to me, i remember their face and goofy smile when i first saw them there, i remember their face when the sun shines on it and their wavy brunet hair under the sun its like as if i recorded all that i remember everything.

however it doesn't mean im in love or whatever i just like the feelings i had when i was around them and the fact that my head was clear and quiet for a second after a long struggle , i wanna be around them and feel that again but im scared what if they felt the same or more and i know that i can't give them enough or be with them due to my situation but im also scared that the opposite could happen and just gonna create a new wound deeper than the one that healed and deep down in myself im hoping this is just a phase that eventually i'd end up laughing at while reading this if i ever did but at the same time i don't want it to end or be a phase.