school

idk if anyone feels the same but like tbh school is so...weird? like its sm harder to make friends now, i talked to these 2 girls but its like IDK what to talk abt and i feel bad saying ill be friends but feeling too awkward/nervous to talk to them. i don't want them to feel lonely bc i literally dont wish that on anyone being lonely is like the most boring and horrible feeling ever

i feel rlly out of place tbh tho like everyone else knows what they're doing and what they want and im just kinda there like i thought school felt like a fever dream but it rlly just feels like im not even there this guy also keeps trying to talk to me and i feel rlly bad he is and im js kind of awkward im way too hyperaware of how i move but he also seems a bit problematic?? but idk anything so i cant judge. i just really want friends bc school is so boring rn. and i HATE being bored like i cannot sit still. i roam the halls alone and its like idk. i just feel like crying half the time bc doing it alone IS BORINGGGGGG there's an art thing i want to join but i feel like its just gonna burn me out which is crazy bc i love art and its always been something im good at i dont want that to be the thing that burns me out but i also dont know what to do with my life,, which at my age is kind of bad. ppl keep saying i joke abt life but (tw?) 

lwk i was suicidal for a while to the point i did NOT care abt anything bc i planned on dying for a while, BUT I DIDNT, IM OK!!! im alive :DD !! sometimes i still feel like that but its not as bad as it used to be, im doing rlly good in school now!! but tbh its smth I've never thought about idk. i wonder if anyone can relate