dont overdose on lexapro

            heads up, this is more of a sensitive topic and a slight vent so if you arent comfortable with it feel free to just not need this blog <3

           so back in 31st of august this year i had an overdose on my antidepressants, which i did on purpose, it wasnt a suicide but i cant really say that i wasnt trying to kill myself. it was a saturday at around 9 am, my mom and my sister were out somewhere. I was feeling awfully depressed so as i usually would so i tried to pray it away but it didnt really help. I was feeling so inferior and body dysmorphic and my feelings kept getting more intense to the point that i couldnt even think straight. i decided to swallow 3 lexapros at once. i had taken more than 1 pill a day (not at once though) before so i wasnt that worried about it. i started feeling a little off i had cried again but this time it was more intense i just fell to the ground. i remember thinking what the fuck was wrong with me and why i keep feeling so depressed and doing dumb shit to cope with it. 

          for some reason like 10 minutes later i casually took a fourth pill, i was hoping to pass out or something then i took 2 more. my mom and sister were back home i was lying bed trying to take a nap, i took one more pill and went to sleep, so i had taken 7 pills in less than an hour and thats where i stopped.

          my mom got me breakfast to my room anf woke me up from my nap later on, i told her what i did she didnt take it too seriously though she just told me not to do it again. then my chest started feeling tighter and i felt my heartbeat get slower i told my mom that and then she was yelling at me and drove me to the ER i felt so dizzy and weird, my hearing was fucked and my body was hardly balancing itself. when i made to the hospital i was instantly taken to the ER i remember it was bed number 8. A doctor had come in and asked me what had happened, he marked it as a suicide on my medical record and said the cops would have to be called because suicide is illegal where i live (and a sin in my religion) i cried a lot while in the ER and i was so terrified of the shots they gave me, i only got 2 but i have such a fear of needles and blood so it was awful.

         I was taken to the ICU a few hours later, i hated it there i had to spend two nights there with my mom, she went through my phone and kept switching up on me, one minute she would tell me itll be okay and the next she yell at me to the point that id cry so hard right im front of her.

         it was one of the worst experiences of my life. sometimes i want to relapse though i try to control it. i dont take the lexapros anymore, i miss them. this was hard to revisit but i felt the need to share it on here so yea. i left out a lot of details maybe ill edit them in later who knows.

xoxo

-Mais