18 years of loneliness

is it normal to feel a lingering sense of loneliness even when you know you have good friends and a good support system? 

I have the best friends in the entire world and I know if I needed anything they help or offer to hang out. It's just a feeling that sticks with me. I've often described myself as a person who likes solitude or being by myself, but as I've gotten older and more mature I think it's more of a bad thing. I used to be an outcast in my younger years which led me to isolate and develop my own interests. I was an introvert. I have extreme anxiety. But, as I've gotten older and got friends I trust and went to therapy, I thought it was changing. I have a job and I take the initiative to talk to people more. 

But it's been about 1 month since my first day at uni and suddenly I'm plunged back into that feeling I got starting middle school, where I knew no one. Where no one talked to me and I am forced to put myself out there in a way that makes me feel like the biggest outsider ever. It's horrifying and I've never been able to get over this anxiety and I'm just now realizing that. But don't get me wrong, I've tried. I've been going to therapy for over 3 years. I've been doing what I need to do... right?

I dunno. It just sucks. I feel out of place when my best friend brings a new group of friends he made over. Why don't I have new friends? Why haven't I made those connections? I'm around my best friends and many other prior friends at this school so I shouldn't feel alone. But I do. I haven't made any new REAL connections yet. I haven't approached people I thought were cool or interesting. Instead I'm just...here. 

In a way, I make it so that no one knows I feel alone. How embarrassing would it be? Is the Rbf kinda ugly looking dork not making friends? Wow, what a surprise.

I do like myself. But it's getting harder when it feels like my brain is just trying to make things difficult for me.

Anyways I spent $20 on Chipotle and it was so worth it.