My first blog!

I’ve never written a blog before, I think this would be nice for me though. There tends to be a lot going on that I can’t exactly just say out loud anymore, I remember alter told me to keep a diary one time. She’s long gone now but I thought I should do that, so I made this account!

I doubt anybody will read this, or atleast know who I am so that’s nice to know.

Today was good, school was normal as usual. Grandpa tauro made me a pb&j for lunch: which is new and so nice, i was embarrassingly excited about it, usually I don’t eat or get by with a small snack. That’s how it’s been since Bodhi passed because he used to give me lunch money. It’s been hard with him gone, he seemed to know how to comfort me and what he was doing in life which made me feel a lot better about my own life, I visit his grave alot and take naps next to it. I miss him so much, I miss Bodhi and alter and zuriana. My family.

Zuriana being gone makes me feel lost, I love her so much and I know one day I’ll see her again. Simon says that’s impossible and I should move on but I have hope, I always have hope for her.

Bodhi being dead means I have nowhere to live but I was only homeless for a short while, I’m living with Mr tauro now and he’s letting me stay in his basement!! I used to call him grandpa because he’s old but now he truly feels like grandpa. It’s Cozy down here and nice. I miss “home” but I’ll get used to this soon, dinners at this house are nice the food feels comforting. I miss alters cooking but this is good and honestly some of the best food I’ve had in such a long time.

I feel lost and without family, I have Mr thomas, tauro & Romeo, Mr finch, Mr purple and mike but i dunno… sometimes I still feel alone, Mr thomas gets me though and when I’m with him I feel safe happy and loved, finch makes me happy, and tauro is comforting. If zuriana was here right now my problems would be gone. 

On a lighter note I’m starting to feel a bit better about life, I’m hanging out with mike a lot and getting closer to him, he’s so sweet and such a good friend. I feel scared to talk about such sappy stuff with him though, I don’t know why.

I might go to a museum with Mr thomas this weekend! I love going out with him. He’s such a good man, maybe I annoy him with my clinginess but he doesn’t seem to mind, I love him!

I might go out later today, the gas station or something. I honestly don’t know, I feel like I should get out and do something. It’s a strange feeling, i want to leave but i seem to stay in the basement for hours and hours, nobody notices though and that makes me sad, a part of me wants others to notice my suffering but that’s a bad thing i think ? I dunno, I’m getting better though and slowly moving on but i dunno. 

I’m going to put in an effort to be happy again!! I think that’s what everyone wants for me and it’s what i want too. Anyways, i have to go help tauro and Romeo with dinner (which i love!) so I’ll be back later! Bye bye 

Kelsey signing off