the experience of relationships as a non binary person

i'm so sick of being seen as only a fetish or a disgusting freak who will never have the opportunity to be seen as attractive by anyone.

let's face the truth: non binary is the new binary, at least for some people. like those dudes who claim to be "queer" just because they're "attracted to *some* non binary people", but their only idea of non binary is just a cis woman with blue hair and they/them pronouns. i've seen so many stories of pre-transition AFAB non binary people finally realizing that their cis het boyfriends only claimed to be queer to get laid, they just saw their partners as women and the second they realize that their partner wants to go on HRT or get gender-affirming surgery, they get disgusted.

it seems like non-binary is only acceptable when it's a young AFAB who hasn't medically transitioned. i can't express how disgusted i feel when someone says that they're attracted to "(cis) women, trans men and """"the girl version of non binary"""""". they claim to support trans people but will freak out the second a trans man grows a beard, when a non-binary person doesn't look feminine or when they realize that there are non binary people that were born male. same goes for lesbians who say that "they would date a guy but only if he's trans" no, you're just a transphobe.

i'm non binary myself, and honestly it's a privilege that i could find someone that actually respects me and likes me for who i am instead of seeing me as some sex category. i hate this whole amab afab shit, it's just pure sexism and transphobia most of the time because those terms are constantly used in contexts where birth sex doesn't even matter, they just want to say "men and women" but without being yelled at, and with sometimes intentional transphobic remarks.

non binary isn't a political or "fighting against social rules" thing (although some people are claiming to be non binary just for these things), it's a gender condition. i would give anything to not be like this. and it doesn't help that some people are saying shit like "trans/non binary people are so hot" while claiming to be an ally, you're just making us feel even more dehumanized than what we already do.

you're not queer, or even an ally, just because you want to fuck what you see as "women with they/them pronouns". you're transphobic, disgusting and a chaser. you're not attracted to actual non binary people and men, you just want to use us for your own pleasure without getting called out.

(disclaimer - i wasn't referring to actual bi men here. i was talking about those who claim to be bi but only like men and enbies if they have a female body because they are transphobic and don't see trans people as what they actually are, no matter how "queer" they claim to be for this.

i may have targeted cis het men a bit too much in here but i've never seen things like these coming from straight women, probably because femininity in men (that's how a lot of them see trans women, sadly) is seen as shameful rather than "hot" by them.)