Journal Entry #116: 09/16/24 - The Worst Monday to Have Ever Monday'd

Welcome to September (even though I'm half a month late). Also, welcome back me.

So, September has been fine (for the most part). It was nice to start a month on a Sunday. The first football game was nice, although I only stayed for about thirty minutes, got a delicious soft pretzel, and left. A few other highlights include making pancakes, and crepes, attending my org's leadership retreat, and beginning to transition from my previous role to a higher one in my org. 

I also pulled Nekomata in ZZZ. I've been trying to pull for Seth though, and honestly, I didn't realize it would be so hard! He's an A rank for Pete's sake! It's hilarious that I pulled an S-rank before him. I wanted a cat boy, not a cat girl!

Although I had some fun this month, things have been quite gloomy lately. I'm struggling in my position, it was extremely rainy last week, and I'm having trouble in class. I went to a lot of events this past week, but I've felt pretty disconnected from everything and everyone. 

Though I know my thoughts aren't very organized right now, I'm going to talk about the football game that was a bit ago. It ended up raining, but I made a new acquaintance, I guess. Everything felt so warm and fuzzy. For a minute, I was able to see everything clearly despite the rain. We are all so similar. We all want the same things, we're all made of the same stuff. But today, those boundaries feel even more concrete than ever. 

This morning was surprisingly nice, despite what happened later. I gave my speech and did some work. There were a few hang-ups, but nothing I couldn't handle. Then my phone starts blowing up with messages from my mom and roommate. They want to talk about what's next in terms of living situations. I tell my mom that I want to live somewhere else and that we're going to talk about it. But before I reveal what happens next, I need to talk about my circuits class. I took the exam this past Friday and felt nothing when I walked out. I got the exam score today and I got...a 24. I thought I was having a nightmare. No, it's real. Obviously, I can pull myself out of this hole, but I'm not sure how I'm going to get out of this. I'm still processing. My sleeves have snot on them and my head hurts. On top of this, my roommates essentially told me that they didn't want to live with me anymore. Obviously, I'm not the victim here. The poor test score is my own doing, and even if I were closer to my roommates they still probably would've chosen to live with someone else. I will admit, that I'm not the best roommate, but I wish this information had been given to me tomorrow. I am sick with sadness. I need to change, but how?

- AstraGenesis