i hate that im not born myself but someone else

i hate my body. i hate it. not because its ugly, it could be called 'usual', but it because its not mine. its someones else. and i hate it. i hate it so much. this world will never see me as me, no matter what i will do. i hate it so so much. my friend acts like its some type of joke. i dont find it funny. i really dont find it funny. i tried to tell him that but he doesnt care. maybe im just oversensitive? i dont know. all i know that is that i hate it. i hate every inch of it. if i was born myself my life would be easier. i hate it i hate it i hate it and i can do nothing about it. it hurts. it hurts so much. all i want to do is cry because i know i can do nothing about it. even my fucking family does not want to call me by my name. i told them about it years ago and they still dont care. they never tried unless they could gain something from it. and that something is not my happiness. i just cry and cry about it. i feel so useless. like some kid. maybe its because im a kid. or maybe not. i dont know if im considered one anymore. i want these feelings to go away. i want to wake up in my body. i want it. i need it. every time i think about it it hurts more. i hate it. i hate it. i hate it so much and i know no one will help me. theres no one to help. it hurts it hurts. i feel pathetic. i am pathetic. like a useless child. so useless. so helpless. so fucking stupid. no matter what happens it wont change. they lied to me. she lied to me. he lied to me. every one of them lied. they wanted to use me. my heart hurts. but i dont know what pain. emotional or physical. it hurts. i just want a hug. one long hug so i wont feel this pain anymore. it hurts.