BPD (Borderline Personality Disorder)

I don't feel like BPD is talked about enough,, like in a serious way. Everytime i see mention of it, its some weirdo on tiktok saying "i want a bpd obsessive gf!!" and its like they're just watering it down to that. I hate when people do that to any kind of mental illness like watering down autism to just "dumb" or using LITERAL medical terms for normal things && experiences.

On the other side of the spectrum of things I've heard about BPD is that everyone who has it is automatically a monster?? I'm sorry you've had a bad experience with one person who had it, but you cant label a bunch of people you know nothing about as bad people/monsters to not be interacted with because you had one bad experience. It's the same for most mental disorders, its like they're really not taken seriously in this age. I mean they never really were, but now its so watered down and people are making a competition out of it... um hello? real life people are struggling daily with these disorders and were just going to water it down like nothing serious, you're going to SH for no reason just because you saw it on TT?

I feel like this generation is actually ruined && were all just copies of eachother... But anyways back to BPD. I struggle with it a lot, I mean it's good that i can give my loved ones 100% of me and my love && affection, but the moment i put myself into isolation its like im a terrible person,, or so they say.

I only isolate myself to protect other people when im sad/angry/upset, i dont want to split and say something i dont mean... And i dont want to be constantly miserable around other people so isolate myself, but i get called a horrible person for doing that. Even if its just for a couple days, im still hated for it. I dont know why, everytime i try to do something good or try to be there for people / comfort them, they always turn around and see me as some terrible person.

Why is it that i give my all to everyone, my love, affection, attention, care, comfort and even money sometimes, why is it that they turn around and hate me for being me. Why am i seen as such a horrible person if ive tried so hard to be good? The paranoia will make me mad, i contemplate whether im a good person or not and i really dont have a clear answer. I just wish i was normal, with a normal brain, normal parents, normal life, normal self. All i want to do is make friends, because i dont want to be alone anymore, but everyone is so cruel. or maybe im the cruel one, i still dont know.

I dont know why i cant just be treated like a real person, like a human being, i dont know why im seen as the most evil thing ever when i try my best to give my all to everyone.

I just know that BPD is excruciatingly hard to deal with, and I'll never be cured.