► For My Tired Eyes ♪● (ENG)

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It have been a long time since i take a moment of my miserable life to writte my thoughts on a blog/bulletin.

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2 and half month since i graduated from highschool, i really didnt think i would it made it, easily highschool wasn't my best life/academic experience, but in sort way i still miss going to highschool.

- Why?

Well is an strange sensation because i kinda feel that im loosing an important part of me, just the feeling of doing something, improving myself to try be the better me even if i almost fail due my teenage depression era also feeling that im a part of civilization (weird) but thats how i feel currently.

In the current date all that emotions have been invading my mind every time i wake up, it ruins my mental health and my situations just become worst. Being an yung adult now (Im 19) its so draining, every time i think how other people are more successfull at my age it's depressing. I dont know how to control it, i feel like an total loser and a failure.

Maybe you are thinking that im being so rude to myself, in sort way i am, but is not because i wanted more like my enviroment always make me remeber it. 

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Family, friends. civilization and world in general is an constant competition of who becomes the most succesfull peroson on earth, all this things we have to deal every day its just make difficult even to think about what is going to happen in our future.

I have seen this imaginary "competition" when im trying to find an fucking entry job, easily i have been aplying for 300 jobs and only 5-6 i managed to get an interview and only 1  was close to hire me, but damn i forget that corporations doesnt care about their workers and if you dont memorize their WHOLE 100 DIFFERENT DISHES in one day its gonna be the reasson of not calling you back.

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My eyes are the one who perceive all this things, it goes through our eyes. Sometimes eyes are described as "The eyes can represent the omniscience of God, the gateway into the soul"Im not an spiritual type of guy or religious, but i know for the fact our eyes can describe a lot of what our heads are going through. Im just living while im watching my life become worst and im not doing anything to change it because im to tired of trying again.

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Sometimes i wish we could transfer our emotions and feelings to other persons just to make them understand that sort things arent that easy to handle, share them that you arent doing well and stop thinking that everyone have the same thoughts and feelings. Friends suggest me to try sharing my emotions such as crying or expresing my self, i have been repressing my emotions since middle school, even trying to cry is difficult, i try but not an single tear comes out just the feeling of having sad emotions.

Theres also a part of nostalgia on it, feeling that theres not gonna be days like before its kinda concerning. I want to go back an re do my whole entire life, but thats just not posible.

Our purpose is to give an sense of why you have to live this life even if your current state of mind doesnt help you enough to deal with this problems. Find light in the darkness, im not the right person to say this, but never let this negative thoughts invade your enviroment, its horrible and can affect you really badly if you let this continue.

I dont really want to be alive at this moment, but i have a lot of people that trust on me and that keeps me moving, so try finding something that makes you feel alive and keep your dreams and hopes !!

Blog / Bulleting written by
Justin