Self-Sabotage

     Not going to write a lot since I have a lot to do today, but life has just been life-ing lately. Self-sabotage has been the flavor of the last few months and I'm still trying to get myself back on track, at least I've been doing good with money though. I quit CVS in June because I hated how irregular my part-time schedule was along with having internal breakdowns at work when it got too busy. Regular jobs just aren't for me honestly, but I need to figure out something to get me regular money. The whole situation just sucks.

     Last month I started classes at my local community college and it initially started out okay, but I'm slowly creeping back into bad old habits. Feels like my medication isn't helping at all some days, or I'll hyperfocus on the wrong things. I'm in a basic math class right now and it feels like pulling teeth just trying to do the work, I fucking hate this. I honestly hate that I went to college in the first place, it was (personally) such a waste of time and my mushy 19 year old brain should've listened to my intuition that going to college as a music major was a horrible idea. I wouldn't have debt (that my parents are paying) and I wouldn't feel the guilt of not having finished. I think about how many people would kill to be in the position I'm in--in terms of having parents willing to pay my way through school, supporting me while I'm unemployed, etc.--and how I just completely squandered it.

     At least I have some money coming in this week from doing an event film for RVA Maker's Market, and tomorrow photographing a wedding for an old friend from middle/high school. I'm nervous but super excited to do the wedding, it'll be nice to see a friendly face and capture an important moment for her.

     Some future plans though before I end it: Visiting a CNU friend in Baltimore sometime this month or October, making a short travel film in October camping in Appalachia during autumn foliage season, getting a Final Fantasy moogle tattoo in November, and then hopefully this winter I can do a seasonal job somewhere.

Signing Out,

- Rhys