Life has been taking an upturn but am I really happy?

          Recently I have been doing well academically, I went from an all F student to and all A student and I might even get into advanced math. The reason I also say my life has taken an upturn was because I used to get bullied a lot. I would get throw stuff at me, getting hit, harassed, body shamed, death threats and also blackmailed. But a lot has changed now some people have taken the time to get to know me and have realized that I'm not the type of person they think I am. But so far the only thing that has kept me sane enough was telling myself that my grades will give happiness but I'm still not happy I feel like I'm barely the minimum, even though I'm doing my best. I feel like everyone has a reason to feel or say that I'm a non-sensical fool. Even though I shouldn't think negatively I feel like its a big part that motivates me, that's the only that genuinely motivates me. Just down talking to myself has helped make myself better and improved. I think I have became such a sanguine person that I'm a lot more calmer and ration with the things I say and do. Its just that I have this this thing or perhaps a problem were I tell myself what would you're parents would choose or what would josh say or do?(Josh is someone very important he will come up later and I will explain who he is). And I know I kind of sound ridiculous but its just so infuriating that I have to water down myself, I feel like everyone around me is and non emotional being. And I feel bad about feeling an ounce of emotion. But I keep telling myself the only thing that's making me keep going is telling myself "school comes first". Recently this boy had told me he had a crush on me for a long time and I had been distracted with that so I had to break any contact and explained the situation. I feel that if I continue this rule, it will come to bite me in the butt. But northings wrong with loving school right? People have calling me a nerd but I have been taking it as compliment, because I look at the life of people. And let me tell you its not going great, I mean no respect towards elders or woman whatsoever and so sense of consciences. In the end they are begging me for the the answers so they can flaunt their grades and make fun out of low-life kids such as themselves, but they don't realize. And yes I realize I was also at a point but I think what really matters is that matured or realized what I be doing or not. Sometimes I actually want to have an intelligent conversation with but people my age rather talk about how stupid their science teacher is or what make broccoli green, its so insufferable. Some people my age would rather like to be gross like mixing spit with mash potatoes and and trying to get someone to eat it. For me? I would like to get someone's opinion about abortion rights and gun rights and all these debatable topics and it not that I like arguing but its the glorification of getting another persons perspective of a subject. But I guess its just the gloriffication of growing up. Tell me what you think.