entry 03

i talked to my friend today, we talked for a little while, hes currently experiencing a hurricane at where he lives so i do fear for him tho, i have hope he won't die but i seriously would be tremendously upset if he dies. honestly if he dies i dont think i would be able to live with myself, i do have other friends but he is the only friend that i actually actively talk to. i would actually be so sad if he lost his life.

kind of relevant? but honestly i think along down the line of me and his friendship i think i might be the one to break it off, he has other friends he constantly plays with but he is the only person i really consider a friend since i talk to him almost every day. it feels like im constantly at a competition with who has his attention. which even then im starting to reconsider if he even likes me, he never starts the conversations its always me, he only really responds and actively engages in a conversation with me when he needs something, and we never really play games like how he does with his other friends. maybe he doesnt want to be friends with me, but if so why doesnt he just say that? he knows that he should communicate his feelings if he wants something done and idk i would expect someone as old and mature as he is to be able to communicate properly that he doesnt want to be my friend anymore. maybe im overthinking idk