gentleness

you always said my only existence was teaching you how to be careful with yourself and other people

that my only existence was teaching you how to treat other people right

sorry, I don’t think I succeeded 

in the end, you never learned how to be careful with me

in the end, you never learned how to treat me right

maybe it’s because my love was too overwhelming in its tenderness 

maybe it’s because I was too rough in that gentleness I had for you 

how should’ve I done everything right?

should’ve I ignored your pain

should’ve I not try and learn your native language

mi amor, siempre te he estado esperando

lo siento mucho, parece que me equivoque

should’ve I not comfort you when you cried, even when I felt like screaming my lungs out

should’ve I not check the weather in your town

should’ve I not wish you to have a good morning and a good night even when I was mad at you

everything is so confusing, I was always leading your way, now do the same

wait, you can’t

you’re not here

you weren’t cut out for my gentle self

you belong to the battlefield 

I’m sorry, I do not wish to take a bullet for someone who used to point a gun at me for my crime of being myself, sincere and passionate

I am gentle 

gentle things should be kept under the protective glass

since now you’re allowed to peek only

because now I’m only an exhibit in a museum 

look, but do not touch

there’s a barrier between my sensitive skin, like if it was an open wound, and your hands as hard as a sandpaper

between my vulnerable self and your mind as cruel as a mind of a soldier

things you grieved over left your life

that grief you had for them didn’t 

you keep holding on that

there’s nothing I can do

even that gentleness I had

it was so great yet so weak in front of the face of that performance of yours,

your sufferings

let it be

I cannot blame myself anymore