DIARY FOR FUTURE MEE

KINDA LIEK A DIARY BUT ALSO NAWT

FURST OF ALL I WOULD LIEK TU SEY THAT in a few yers (if i dont kill myself by then) I WILL cringe at this and wish i could delete this but not be able to remmeber my password and thus having to suffer and leaving my digital footprint on here FRVR!1!1!

ALSO FAIR REMINDER THAT I DONT dress scene at ALL irl (despite having the accesories to do so) and go to a christian SKOOL (im an agnostic convert)

MY NAEM IS VANZ AND I LUV UR BEARD :3!

22:09 SUN 8 SEP: Wearing knee high converse with my uniform tmrw on the F1R5T D4Y OF SK00L! Lets see how much i will get laughed at xd!

17:07 MON 9 SEP: I got laughed at surprisingly little! There was even a hippy looking girl that said she liked them!

22:35 sunday 15 sep: my twin sis asked to copy my maths hw so i said yes and then she made me rewrite the whole thing bc it was „wrong“(she just wanted me to rewrite it) and then she hit my back bc i was hunching over then my mother called me stupid the whole time and hit my head multiple times bc i asked to see what was wrong and i want to kill myself so bad its all i think abt

Around 18 september at lunchtime:my mum says im obese (im 54kg and 171 cm) so my lunch was half a salmon wrap instead of a whole one :(

20 september 18:15: i fr wanna kms cuz i have like 7 seizures a day and i kinda quit cutting but now i sorta cut and it feels so good aa i shpuldnt have done that

26 september: i got hit by a ball in pe and a few hours later i started being confused unconcentrated stared at nothing and my face drooped and had to be asked a question 4 times in order to understand it and blabbed when talking that even the teacher that hated me told me to go to the nurse who said “YOUR JUST ANXIOUS BC U THINK UR GONNA DIE” even tho i just asked if it was a concussion and she told me “i had nothing” and made me sit there for a few hours and legit watched me have like 3 seizures and did nothing abt it and my sister had to beg the principal for them to send me home bc i had a math and English test right after

30 september: help everyone at school pushes me in the hallway and takes out the papers of my binders and idk why😭 like i havnt met 3/4 of the people doing this to me and the other people are people whos name i would recognize and its not cause i look gay or scene its beeb sonce elementary welp

7 october: my mum says im a narcissist bc i stop smiling when she calls me fat ugly and dumb bc “narcissits cant handle critic” but she beat me when i told her that normal mothers dont hit their children i had a seizure like 4 times today but they were scarier than the ithers Vanz r ur seizures better now? Also the stomach pain ive bren having for 4 months is it gone? What is it?

8 october: i made the like sorta misplaced furniture in the hallway fall and my mum beat me bc she said its a symptom of adhd and im a psychopath so she beat me so i stop showing symptoms of adhd i want to kill myself

November 30: my mum is convinced in a psychopath bc i bite ny nails (bc im stressed bc she insults me 100 times äaverage) and hit me with a clothes hanger. The furst one broke into 4 pieces and the scond one didnt i think i didnt bruise exept my thumb was swollen bc i think my skin is used to it bc ive been beaten since infancy and she does it with a smile shes a sadist also her biggest fantasy is smashing my head open so yeah :(omg this blog is so helpful for documenting when ive been beat i thought i wasnt beat since 3 months but my mum cant go more than two without beating me i am sad and have no freinds bc my twin sis beats me my mum beats me and im elementary duribg covid me and my sister wore a mask and that made ALL the kids and teachers hate us and when we went to middle school those kids made ALL the middle school kids hate us cuz apparently i paid 3 million to the teachers to not send me to detention after ending student (help thats why they hate me😭) and my mum watches those self diagnosis instagram vids like „only addhd do this“ and also the „obly narcissit do thid“ and she thinks its the same thing for example in my hoarder house there is trahs everywhere and i trip on it plus i have poor propeioception(a symptom of adhd) but for her that means im a narcissist and when she insukts me im sad so that means im a narcissit that should be beat right? And no its actually normal that im not allowed to shower more than 2 times per week but hey atleast im rich right? And that im not allowed to go outside alone without my sister in one of thw safest contries in the world no? She beats me but wants my control if i die she wants to be the one to kill me im all so not allowed to meet kids after schoil or visit their houses so thats also not fun my arm hurts alot bc she beat me thank you mami for everything „YOUVE GIVEN ME“ but she says it in german so its scary

Dec 1: my mum best me with a belt (colonial slave style) for no reason bc she likes it i hate my life and am numb bc i think im in dorsal vagus state after being beat for so long

Dec 3: at school i get laughed at and work from 8 to 6 pm and at home i get insulted and am scared when im in school i want to go home and when i am home i want to run away to school. My mami feels powerful a few weeks after she hits me (24/7) and when i walk into a room where she is i hold my breath bc i am scared she will complain that i am loud she calls me “GEHIRNKRANK” that means mentally ill when i step on something or make something fall (my house is a hoarder house) and she refuses to throw away the trash and i am bot allowed to do it either

Dec 9 21:00: my mum slapped me

Dec 10 20:25: my mum called me a goblin monster freak because i was in my room

Dec 13: i went to the kitchen to get a class for my cola but i was wearing socks and the floor was wet and a few secs later when my mami found out she slapped me from everyside (my lip became extremely swollen ill upload a pic when i can) and i taste salt water idk why then when i used my ipad while it was charging (its broken remember) to make my powerpoint presentation abt 911 she beat me even more and then i went to my room and then she took that same hanger and it broke in two pieces then she dragged me back really peoud of what she did and asked me why i was crying and told me this generation is so weak and that im an abschaum of a person (she watches those instagram reels podcast broa complaining abt how this generation is weak) and this beating was worse than last time also this diary is so practical cuz i dont even remmeber why i was beat last time i am hurt and she calls me stupid but im in gifted d sheclass i want to commit but i wanna see how i turn out in the future then she beat me even more for being a“future drug addict” she says bc i lie to her (im scared to get beat) i will become one and then in a proud voice with a smile she said “du wirds NIE WIEDER lugen,okay” and i had to say yes as she reapeted this sentence 10 times

Also please keep in mind she insults me 102 times on average a day in german so i only write here when it gets really bad im also making this so i have kinda proof of what shes doing

I got the images yipeee (wait nrmnd it wont work)

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