I swear i hate school

I know I'm not necessarily getting bullied but the social exclusion is enough.

I'm tired of going near a group and them just walking away from me.

I'm sick of being picked last in dodge ball and getting made fun of by the way I throw the ball. I know I'm not particularly athletic but my closest friend in class was the one that picked me last making it feel all the more degrading.

I'm sick of my intellect being constantly overlooked because of my sister who I pale in comparison to in every way. Ill never be like her. though I'm happy for her I wish I could be recognized for once but even then there is nothing that'll distinguish me in a good way in terms of my intelligence

There's a certain person in particular who looks at me with a disgusted expression whenever I catch her. I don't smell odd (I brush my teeth twice before school and I shower in the morning), I don't make weird faces, I try to be normal but it seems rumours follow me wherever I go. 

A rumour began that I was gay and it didn't spread since I intercepted it and the girl who made the rumour apologized and we're friends now. Though it seems everyone still looks at me strange even the teachers. It seems one teacher treats me like a human so I developed a sort of attachment to her (not a weird one). The teachers treat me like I'm a child, stupid, evil, corrupt and so on.

A few teachers have been insinuating that I am a bad influence and I don't practice my religion because I wear makeup and swear(I'm trying to stop) whereas the people I'm influencing don't even believe in the religion and are tenfold worse than I am.

One girl I'm friends with who is beautiful , kind , and, smart is perceived as and angel amongst us. In some ways she is. She has a sweet innocent smile that lights up a room and doe eyes. She smiles when she speaks in her cute manner she does sports and has lots of talents. She's very expressive with her words. However, whenever we speak she always tries to say mean things about others including our teachers. Talking bad about others is against our religion and is a huge sin that could send us to hell. She tends to talk bad ab a teacher in front of them and it totally infuriates me because she is quite literally a princess among them and she is treated with the utmost kindness and I with ignorance. She says things like "Shut up, I don't care, your stupid" under her breath, during the lecture in hopes that I laugh or something. Its totally unfair to them because whenever were caught for some reason I'm the villain and the teachers continue with their distaste for me. What's wrong with me

WHAT is wrong with me. What am I doing wrong. Why does no-one like me. Am I incredibly repulsive looking and I'm the only one who cant see. Do I have boils on my face, green skin, busted yellow teeth, saggy tits, what? What if I really look disgusting why has no-one told me before. Is that why people look at me badly. I hope that's not true.

I have 6 siblings however my social skills are severely underdeveloped. I assumed this was only an only child's problem but I guess not. Everyone in my class I used to be friends with on a close level and we always ended up having a falling out of some kind. What is wrong with me? How do I be better?? I try so hard I try to be an attentive friend I even learned to stop talking and ask so many fun questions , maintain eye contact, smile, nod my head, act surprised. But I'm still not the proper friend what do they have that I don't. How can I get it.

I'm lost in school everyday feels like torture. I wish for an escape. Although through my contemplations the only way out was d3@th. So my urges have gotten a lil' worse. lol.. I wish I were invisible so that I wouldn't be encumbered but societies, my family's, my expectations. 

I wish I didn't exist sometimes