Today Is Going To Be a Long Day

By: Khol Ty. Ellsworth

I woke up today and I felt like I was in a good mood. I feed my cats, got them water, took my meds, and cleaned the dishes. Mind you I've only been up since almost 4A.M. and took my meds at 6:35A.M. then I started feeding & watering the cats at like 7A.M. then did the dishes at like 7:30A.M.

I made my fiancé & I a hot chocolate with some sweet cream coffee creamer and creme of coconut (that's used for cocktails). My life is pretty mundane and I feel like every little thing is wrong. I'm twenty-six years old and I'm exhausted. 

I'm exhausted 24/7 and I wish my life could just slow the fuck down to be honest. I'm exhausted from crying and acting like I'm fine. I'm trying to keep my head above the dark waters. If there is a God, why did he damn me to an eternity of dread and anxiety that could kill a Chihuahua? 

God's sense of humor is really fucked up because why did he make us all feel like we're all drowning? If God is a woman then she's really pissed, and if God is a man he's just kind of a dick. I'd like to think I'm not really religious and I believe in all religion but, to rely on a higher power for all the good & for all the bad, it's exhausting. I'd rather pray for world peace then be prey to the machine.

So, today is going to be a long day. I'm thankful I've got therapy today because I feel like I have a lot I need to talk about with her. 

Thank you to my followers, my friends, and to anyone who might come across this blog post because I hope it's relatable. Thank you all. I appreciate you. 

Yours Truly,

Khol Ty. Ellsworth

(Written on September 5th, 2024 @ 8:28AM)