[09.04.24] horriblelebllrelr

> this entry is mostly just gonna be me complaining, sorry

---

everything is so horrible right now;.. I got in trouble with my mom because I had an attitude when asking for food, because we don't really have alot of food at home, and my mom just hasn't been getting food for me. she gives me fourteen dollars every Friday as my allowance, and says whenever I ask for food that I have my own money and can get it myself, which okayyyyy... but I asked and my mom got mad at me bc of my tone, and to be fair I was a little upset and tired and hungry so maybe I sounded rude but also this is a reoccurring thing. she got mad and was like "Im doing you a favor for doing all these things for you and driving you around" because that day I asked or go to the mall with my friends and she gave me a ride, which confuses me because I usually get rides from my friends parents and my mom gets mad because she thinks I'm making her look bad or that I'm bothering people,, but if I ask my mom for a ride she gets mad too.. and then if I just don't go anywhere she gets mad that I'm not doing anything!! anyway yeah the last thing she said to me was that since I'm not being grateful I'm not allowed to go anywhere besides school and my house soo barghshshg.. I don't know how long this will last, usually its not for long that this is she will just say something really extreme and then one day just be like all fine and stuff and pretend she wasn't mad and that i was just being dramatic... this all really sucks because I was finally doing good about eating, and finally gaining weight when I was with my dad!! (I was 90 pounds when school started, and eating two full meals every day) and I know this whole thing is gonna fuck that up but whatever, I give up.

 and also with the food thing, its not like were poor or anything, like if money was tight then yeah i'd understand but its not! my mom owns a freaking Tesla I think she can afford to buy me food or atleast groceries to make dinner!!! my friend is offering to bring me food and stuff, he's bringing me a bunch of boxes of Mac n cheese tomorrow and that's really nice. I feel really bad though because he shouldn't have to do that. I feel like I'm constantly asking for things and being a burden y'know. 

on top of that my dad doesn't talk to me unless he's asking for money or asking me to do something for him which I mean I understand because of the current situation with him and stuff, but even during the summer we didn't talk much, and when he did it was him complaining about my mom or lecturing me for twenty bajilion years about stuff that I think is common sense. I don't know how to feel about that because it was so sudden, me and my dad used to talk all the time, listen to music together. I could talk to him as my dad, but now he goes to me expecting me to fix all his problems. I mean at first it was fine, bc he's my dad, I love him. but now its too much. 

i have nothing to look forward to, I get through my week by thinking about the weekend, but what's the point of that if I cant do anything, I'm so tired of staying in my room and being on my phone I cant walk really walk anywhere either because I live near nothing, but I might just walk to the library or something to get out of the house. plus the house is almost always empty, my mom and her boyfriend argue and then her boyfriend will just leave, and my mom will either just go to their room and shut the door, or she'll leave too. so its just kind of me in the house all the time. 

I feel so shitty recently, just like, all the time. I don't know. I hate this. 

but I also feel like I cant complain because there's people who go through way worse, I have a room, I eat lunch at school. I don't know.

school also sucks, I mean it could be worse. one of my friends texted me this morning that she isn't gonna sit with us anymore and I feel like B day lunches are gonna end up being like seventh grade lunches again, because my other friend is probably gonna end up sitting with them too and it will be just me and my other other friend again. but whatever. 

---

> orkay orkay thats all the bad now for good stuffs

I went to a mitski concert on Sunday with my friend, it was sosososo much fun!!!! we made a bunch of braceletsss andand I cried a bunch. I went to the mall with my two best friends and my boyfriend bc rollerskating was closed (booo) but that was really fun. we went to Barnes and noble after and I got a littttttle bit tired.

 (some of the bracelets I made, not all.)  

anyway that's it, bye bye.