The Mysterious Illness

TW: mentions of vomiting/nausea, upset stomach, cancer, liver problems, heart problems and other health related issues in this chapter. 

For basically all of this year I have been feeling like death warmed up. I feel so ill and I've been getting all sorts of weird and wonderful symptoms seemingly out of nowhere and I sometimes can't differentiate what's in my head or what is an actual physical health issue. Is there such thing as a suicidal hypochondriac? If so, those two words would perfectly sum me up in a nutshell. 

I know the reasons for some of my symptoms, such as alcohol withdrawal, new medication, a crappy diet, etc. but there are others that are just not adding up. Now for some shit talk. A few months back, my gut started to play up big time. I did not pass one solid stool for god knows. I wasn't overly concerned at that point....that is, until there was blood in my stools. To rule out any internal bleeding, I contacted my GP and they ordered me to complete three separate stool samples. One to rule out infection of the gut, one to rule out bleeding or inflammation, and one to rule out anything abnormal. When I enquired about what they meant by "abnormal," my heart almost fell out my ass when they mentioned the big C. However, they told me that I was still young and the likelihood of me having colon cancer was slim. 

I went to the doctor surgery the following day to pick up the test and brought them home but I never did get round to doing them, even after their persistent reminders. I went from complete hypochondriac mode, to the "ignorance is bliss" mindset in 0.5 seconds. And this "ignorance is bliss" motto is the approach I have been taking towards my health ever since; even when other problems started to arise. 

I started to feel sick upon waking every morning, and it's stopped me from eating breakfast most days. Sometimes I would wake myself up dry heaving like I was about to throw up, but the vomit never came and it seemed to calm down after a couple of minutes. I was sexually active at this time and the only form of birth control in use were condoms; so I thought perhaps it might be morning sickness. I waited for my period to come but it was late. Not by just one or two days, but by 11. And even when I bled it was more like spotting than an actual flow. I took a couple pregnancy tests, all of which came back negative; which rules out the morning sickness theory. In months to follow my periods were either super late or super early, really light (which was extremely unusual as I have always been a heavy bleeder), and would either last only 2 days, or stretch up to 10 days. Before, this my average menstrual cycle was ALWAYS 5 days in length. 

The next symptoms were rather bothersome in nature. Breathlessness (even with something as simple as standing or walking across the hall to go to the toilet), heart palpitations, and an extremely elevated heart rate. We're talking 144bpm and up, even when resting. I have had dizziness and light-headedness for the last month or so and it's constant. Doesn't matter if I'm stood, sat, or laying down, it's almost like I feel tipsy all the time, even when I haven't had a drink. The dizziness also seems to become worse with natural sunlight. When I am walking past a window, I stagger or feel like I'm going to fall. I've started seeing black specks in my vision at times or I get this random ringing in my ears. 

When I went for an appointment at inclusion regarding my alcohol abuse, they requested that they take a blood test and I reluctantly obliged. This is when they told me that I have elevated liver enzymes (which basically means my liver is fighting way too hard and can lead to scar tissue on the liver). They also took my blood pressure, and the results came back telling me that I was on the cusp of hypertension (high blood pressure). This is all likely due to the alcohol use, but I'm wondering now if this is also responsible for the other symptoms I have been getting. And the icing on the cake, I am also anaemic and they advised me to take iron tablets, but with my ignorance is bliss mindset I didn't follow it up. 

I feel extreme fatigue all the time, I used to be able to burn the candles at both ends all the time; staying up late, waking up early and used to feel just fine regardless. Now I need multiple naps a day, and then at night one of two things would happen. Either, the end of the world would not be able to wake me, or I would be waking up every 30-60 minutes on the dot and it would take me about 45 minutes to fall asleep again. I have been getting restless legs like a BITCH (I swear I feel like I'm running a marathon every night). 

Some other things I should really get tested but haven't: complete numbness in the groin/lower back/legs at the most inconvenient times, prickling and crawling sensations all over my skin, or it feels like my skin is bruised or burning even though there's no marks to suggest injury. 

Anyhow, I have vowed to myself that I am going to turn my physical health around if I can because I am sick of this quality of life (or lack of). I still haven't got any of these issues tested or resolved even now, so it's about time I start advocating for myself and stop gambling with my health. And I will keep seeing doctor after doctor if I have to, until I've figured out what's causing all this. 

Thank you for listening to my TED talk, 

Until later, peace out

Kai