choices

we all decide things. you can go through the most horrible shit and still decide to be a good person. will it be easy? no. but you can't feel sorry for yourself, and make bad decisions. you don't want to become a soul sucking energy that no one wants to be around, because then you start victimizing yourself and getting upset when people don't give you attention. it's a hard pill to swallow, admitting you've actively chosen to do bad things, to hurt the people you love most, to make them question your ability to like them. but once you swallow it, you give it time to settle and you can choose to change your actions. this isn't directed, nor do i think anyone who sees this really is a horrible person (although, who knows), but im just talking from personal experience . it is so freeing, but so so hard, to let go of your anger. that doesn't mean forgive or enable whoever hurt you, but it means putting yourself first- making decisions that make you happy rather than making the people around you not happy. realizing this was really helpful for me, and i just hope it can help others