School

There's a dude in class that is really loud and I don't hate him but I don't 100% like him I find him cute and I think I might have a crush on him  he can act a bit dumb with his friends and mean but when there not around he is super smart and kind I was super rude to him I was judging a book by its cover when it comes to guys like him  and a dude I sit at a table with said "beat up ____ for me " and I said " I don't even  want to touch him I might get a an std" I was being really mean and felt bad as so as I said it he was kinda  mean to me with his friends  and I was having a bad day but that doesn't excuses my behavior I really want to apologize but we don't even talk to each other.he behaves in class but his friends kept throwing things at him in class and the teacher thought it was him misbehaving but he got told  to stay after class i went to talk to the teacher about him and told her that it was his friends throw crap at him and said "he only behaves  when his friends aren't around i think he is a good kid"i hope he didn't over hear me or the teacher didn't tell him.but I think he knows he keeps looking at me in class.i have a  hard time with feelings and I don't know if I really like him or not dislike him less than  anyone.  Sorry for rambling it's just I don't know what I'm feeling 😔 😅