what do you guys belive in?

TW: mentalhealth n stuff (drugs ect,)

sorry my english isnt that good but i am just wondering. bc i dont rly belive in anything unless there is Proof.But i do belive in higher beings. why? well for a long time i didnt until back in 2022 (one of the worst years in my life) i have been doing rly bad. i didnt eat for day, i almost kms  and was just bedrotting everyday. before that it was also pretty difficult. my hair was all tangled up and everything seemed dull. i didnt feel any fear or sadness sometimes i would just sob over nothin- (dw im doing better now!) and then one day when i was just lying in bed i suddenly could not move. it was like im being pressed down. my eyes shut itself and everything around me was so so loud. it was rly scary and i thought i was gonna die. then there was this voice that came from everywhere. i dont rly remeber what it said anymore but after that for like 3 months it would come every week. until i told it one friend who belived in god and they prayed for me. as she prayed i suddenly felt cold. i could feel it comming but then it was gone. after that it was rly weird. i often still think About it n tbh life kinda sucks w out it. bc i remeber sometimes it will tell me joked and make me happy. it felt like sb was w me and thet it will Always Support me. tbh i think it is rly creppy but i see it like a human being. After he left it got worse. (i forgot to say but in those 3 months i actually started taking care of myself) i got influenced by some bad friends (we are not friends anymore) and i started drinking and i took drugs. (only took drugs once) after that went one for 2months or sum it came again. ik taht it was mad and stuff and i felt like i was dying as i was unable to move but it also felt nice. like a wight lifted off me. after that he never came again. but i stopped drinking n stuff. i am doing a lot better now but i cant help but wish he was here. woof. i wish he was here to hold me and comfort me