My Dear Shit School Life

(ps. First of all, this may be very long, and no one will probably read it all... but thats oky,, im just recording it, and it may show what kind of person  iam.)

 (Secondly, i have limited ability to express my english! Some of it I'll hand over to a translator, so some of it looks weird lol)

 im a sophomore this year, my majoring in arts. looking back at last years life it was a meaningless shit for me (of course, born to life is meaningless2= =)

but many things happened this year and even though i summed it up as "meaningless" that's how much i've changed, and that's why i think its meaningless. i don like to recall every detail of a story, and ima very jumpy person yknow.....so i'm just going to talk about the things that stuck with me and how I felt,,,

maybe most of the complaints too! this blog is going to be very FrAgMeNtEd!!>

 when was a freshman in college, i wasnt looking forward to college life,cuz its not youth school drama bro

hmm but some people are,idk....i was just so negative and i couldn't help it == so as expected, the first year was really boring, apart from the mindfulness classes and the creative arts classes which i managed to survive... the rest of the classes were so boring (im chines, i know this shithole like the back of my hand. earth people all knows that this country is very CONSERVATIVE ), so i just spent the first half of the year by sleeping heheh.. and the second half of the year... i had two relationships... although the first one doesn't count. cuz i didn't like that girl very much... im not sure i wanna start talking about this stuff, but let's just forget about it. but the second girl had a huge impact on me due,,,she managed to turn me into a broken-hearted supermale lol, and i lovd and hated her. both times i've been passive, im not that active ⋯⋯⋯⋯ im a fuckin piece of shit who cant believe someone could like me = =

 but i still sometimes have a hard time letting go of the second girl, and thats a sad stuff... so next.

well.... i spent a year at school without realising it and though there were a few family conflicts and interpersonal conflicts in between... it didn affect me in any way, but fine,,yes it did, i just felt like i didn't care about anything more and more, even if  i wanted to.

 ,my grades are average and i don't care lol... 

most of the time at school you cant even imagine how boring it is btw. boring to the point where NO AMOUNT OF DRUGS will alleviate the problem heh

,, (there are still some prescription drugs allowed here, so eh,,some of us buy it through some others way.)

 and everyone here has different perspectives and perceptions,but for the most part, they are too biased towards less mainstream culture. 

4example im an emo,but on our side there is also an extension of the culture, which is called non-mainstream(非主流）or smart（殺馬特,but this 3word isn't "smart" real meaning just transliterated）which is actually a culture that was born in the 00s from the internet and then slowly faded away over time,,so there is no such thing as emo here, they will just call u non-mainstream and the word has a derogatory meaning over here as well out of the overall tolerance and aesthetics of this country. so in today's society when someone calls u non-mainstream, he is looking @u in a different light and will say u have no aesthetic blahblah,,,,,ur so weird, so and so lol ...... but, this group is still rare,nut  its just that the fashion style is similar to emo,,as for the music, its basically pop or punk and yeah, i do have some favs but nothin as hardcore or screamo that stuff as exciting

but it doesn matter,we dont mind if some guys who understand this kind of culture call us non-mainstream or "smart",,,,,

and yeah,that what prepared for what i wanna say,,

this school is very small and is not a very nice and its location also very remote, ,,,,plus people nowadays have ingested too much modernised culture thats shit...

i feel out of place... 

cuz yeah they really does,some people even look at me with derogatory terms and different light  but i think that's true of all countries,the same millennial wave is nearly over all over the world,,,,

some of the people who enjoy it are still enjoying it, but some of them are just shit poster,,that make me feel cringe,,,,,and they only listen to pop music or some really disgustin rock of the mainland (in my opinion.) but,some of it is really disgusting, i mean , it's awful shit,and its not creative just imitation,unincluding the copy stuff,,,,those are bigger shit.

btw it's funny that there are a lot of music fans in china who are also poster Lmao no matter which country bands. but not only china,this stuff sometimes in every ofthe world,idk what they're up to,,,,thats impossible to communicate.

Another thing I'm speechless about is that one time a (same place)friend of mine who likes to listen to deathcore said that a friend of his wanted to get to know me (because he found me on a social media and he's from the same place)so we got to know each other... at first the exchange was quite normal until then he said: "I listen to emo2" and I asked: "what kind of do you listen "

 it got to the point where he said: "all right, but my favourite is lil peep"

......................

My silence was deafening.

idk how2 describe it,,,,,thats 2,,,,,,

EMOTIONAL DAMAGE LMAO,,,,

whatever i CANT write any more my school life  2boring ,,And im irresolute about my future plans but i just want to be a tattooist, but this SHIT place is soooooo unfriendly to freelancers and the crowd is so small ,,,sometimes i feel too numb to know what to say,,,,,,,,,,,,,,