My life is a romantic irony comedy

I have come to the conclusion my life is just one sick joke tbh. Like seriously in 5th grade I found out a girl liked me AFTER she moved away. Oh then like taking my ex-friend's advice on a girl (this is when I was friends with them) and it turned out the girl was already in a relationship (tbh it's for the best because she's kinda bitch) also this was back in 6th grade. Then in 7th Grade there was another girl I liked and I took her friend's advice and that ended up with me getting shoved into the girls bathroom. Oh also in band class in 7th grade there was this girl who I kinda liked and she wanted to get into percussion section little did I know she was in a relationship and there was this other girl who was in percussion but left and wanted to rejoin but it was too late. I kinda developed a crush on the girl who wanted to rejoin after she moved to italy because she's in a military family. I'm in 9th grade now and I'm still single and all I want is a hot blonde blue eyed catholic conservative girlfriend but no my life is just some ironic satirical comedy.