30/08/24

TW: psych wards, mental illness, medical system being the way it is, transphobia, exorsexism

alright, lads, strap in. a lot of information incoming

"you should've raised a baby girl, i should've been a better son"

-> date: 30th of august 2024

-> time: 09:46 (9:46 AM)

-> listening to: disloyal order of water buffaloes - fall out boy

-> feeling: mentally sick

-> gender: fuck if i know

-> orientation: idk but i like men

ok, school has started. i lasted a week and the week after that (this week) i had to go to the psych ward for various reasons. i won't go into too much detail about my mental issues, but i'll tell you that i'm not doing too hot.

i had to stay one night at the ward. i ate chicken nuggets that tasted like nothing. i had my SIM card removed, which makes sense, but i just had my downloaded music. i think i'll rely even more on music from here on out. 

i went to meet a therapist, and had an anxiety attack, because he was transphobic the last time i saw him. that wasn't the only fucking weirdo that worked there, there was also a WORSE doctor.

he went on and on about how me being genderqueer is just me "running away from reality" because "it's easier to be neither". HUH?????? and he talked about the "motherly nature of females" and my mom was with me and i'm surprised she didn't yell at him lmao (she's the biggest feminist i know)

needless to say, this has been a difficult week. 

i'll be fine, though, don't worry