I need to start using this

I’ve turned 17 since my introduction 

I have a lot of homework to do, which I think is very stupid. If you can’t fit what you want to teach into the school year, clearly you don’t need to teach it. There’s no reason to add more dread to the school year. I’m considering not doing all of it. I don’t really care about anything anymore. I wish I did, but I don’t 

I don’t think I’m bipolar, but something really is wrong with me. Sometimes I go 60 in a 35 and drink until I can hardly breathe and don’t sleep very much, and other times I can’t stop sleeping and I can’t stop crying and I have to cover all of my mirrors (but I still look because part of me likes to cry, I think). Either way, I really don’t get much done. 

I really wish I were pretty. That’s my biggest wish in the world, actually. If I could be pretty I think I’d never do anything stressful again. If I were pretty I think I’d kiss a million boys. Maybe I’d kiss some girls, too. If I were pretty I’d be like my friends and let the clammy hands of teenage boys sing me to sleep. I don’t care if it makes me sick. That’s how I dream. And I’ll say it because I know nobody here will hear. 

I want to get drunk again. I will get drunk again, actually. I’m going to. Maybe I will tomorrow. 

I’m upset again. I need to sleep or I’ll never wake up