break ups

I mentioned in the last blog that I broke up a few weeks ago... I felt like talking about it in length so here I am to yap to anybody willing to read.

Firstly, we ended on good terms. I don't hold anything against him (and I don't think they hold anything against me ..??) I'm unsure on whether or not they do.. I can't imagine so but you never know.
Secondly, we were an online relationship. I know online relationships get a bad rep but in this case, I managed to meet the most amazing person who matched my personality and understood me. I truly think that if we we lived near each other it would've worked out but :(( guh

I just miss them sm. He was my best friend and my boyfriend and my favourite person and now I've stripped away all of things. I'm trying to talk to my friends more but it's so different. Everything is so different without them. I know with time I'll heal and I can already feel it happening but it's just so hard. The comfort I felt with them is like no other. We both had so many dreams of growing up and growing old together it hurts. I just want to talk to him, ask how they're doing but I can't. It so horrible especially in the online space where we're in groupchats and servers together that we can't leave as we have other friends on them and connections. djrggggggmgfh it hurts.

I had a life plan in my mind. A life plan WITH him. It makes me feel lost and my imagination seems to always turn back to him at night even though I don't want it to. Music I listen to, films I watch, things I say and jokes I laugh at all are linked to him. His favourite colour, animal, artists, sport- it all just reminds me of him. It's painful but hopefully one day I will be able to see it as beautiful. ffs vro