Moving out (until I wasn't)

This year, I was given a really good opportunity to move house and gain some independence...that is until it all fell through. 

2024 has been a really rough year for me and I honestly don't know how I have made it this far. January of this year, my nan sadly passed away in our home, and then a few months later my aunt passed away as well. Then a couple months ago I found out through the grapevine that one of my granddad's had also passed January of this year. I didn't find this out until half a year later and had to find it out through Facebook of all places because no one had told me. That's a lot of loss all in one year. 

My mental health has been about as fragile as a wine glass in the opera house...

With everything that has happened and still being in active alcohol addiction on top of that, I haven't been able to face work. I had a long battle with DWP but finally got awarded PIP (personal independence payments) earlier this year. I also sought help from the job centre and was put back on Universal Credit for the time being while I am in recovery. 

When the offer of a house share with only one other person came up for £600 pcm, I had to look into it. I went to the job centre and reported a potential change in circumstances and went through the housing benefit eligibility test. I was eligible for housing support. My partner of the time came with me to the house viewing and supported me through speaking with the owner of the property. After viewing the house and talking with the owner, it felt like the stars were finally aligning and the universe was on my side. 

Over the next few days a loved one of mine ended up having a stay in the hospital for a couple months. Ii felt incredibly bad for not seeing them as often as I should have but I needed to make the most of this opportunity. I started packing together all of my belongings and bagging up my clothes, writing lists for what needed to be done before the move in date, and coming up with a budgeting plan to see how I could make the rest of the bills work around the rent. I'd never been so determined for something ever. I was finally doing it, I would have a place to call my own. 

Once rent and deposit rates had been 100% confirmed, I went back to the job centre and informed them of the move in date and gave them all the details that would be needed. I went into that office excited for my future prospects, I came out of that office crushed. They told me that although I was eligible for housing benefit, it would still not be enough to help me cover my expenditures. Furthermore, a couple of days after this my partner broke up with me (the house wasn't the reason for us ending things. Things ended badly between us because I wasn't really focused on the relationship with everything that was happening in that moment, and the grief I was still going through from earlier in the year). My lost dreams, my grief, and the pain over the breakup was all too much to bear. 

So here I am, presently still living with my granddad and my ex from college. I know this won't be the last time something comes up for me, and maybe opportunities in the future will become more affordable with time (especially if I look out of town). I just need to get my head out of my ass, ditch this depressive cycle I have been stuck in, and start getting myself back out there. 

My ideal job prospects would be something in the IT/telecoms sector again, somewhere that treats me with respect and has an understanding on how to deal with colleagues with mental illness effectively. I think I will be taking the rest of this year off to continue focusing on myself and becoming the best version of myself I can be. 

In 2025, the world will be my oyster. I will reach out for help when I need it, I will get back into the workplace, and I will find a new place that I can call my own. I still have my whole life ahead of me, I can do this! 

Thank you for listening to my TED talk,

Until next time, peace out, 

Kai