struggles of being a quiet ahh person

I really hope im not the only one that does or thinks this, but does anyone else feel like they can't make conversations with people they're not close with? Like there's this girl I sit with in one of my classes and mind you I have sat with her for like a year now and its always dead quiet between us... I mean we did have to this one girl with us but she left the school and she would always be the first to make conversations with us (miss u girly pop T-T) 

Like I can't make conversations with people i'm not close with without rehearsing what to say in my head. I fr always rehearse what to say in my head, like even when im ordering food I do it so i'm prepared on what to say to them. Like i don't do this with my friends cuz im comfortable with them and i love being goofy around them even if i stutter (which i stutter and mix up my words a lot of the time AHAHAH). 

Also a traumatic time where I was bringing my crush down to the office to get his award and i was thinking of things to say to him but never said it cuz i got too nervous and shy (full story next blog??) (0.0) But anyways, I was always the quiet kid in primary school and the teachers would constantly tell me to speak up because they could never hear me, and kids in my class would always tell me that im a mouse for being too quiet. 

Overall im just a really shy and quiet person when it comes to people i don't usually talk too and it honestly sucks sometimes because I actually want to talk to new people without being so awkward. It was honestly one of my goals to become more extroverted and actually make conversations with people but that goal is still unticked... 

Maybe when i move schools next year i'll meet some new people that I can vibe with :> but until then, imma just have to suffer in that one class and stick to my favourite people in the whole world before we all go our seperate ways (that made me sad for second -v-) 

Okii rant session over bye bye!!