8/29

this sounds so....corny, i guess, but i don't know how else to say it. i feel like i experience music different from everyone else, and seem to always have.

i don't think i would survive without the beautiful lyrics of the artists that i hold so dear to me. for example, if the book banning scenario that is the plot of the novel fahrenheit 451 by ray bradbury, but instead with music rather than books, were to suddenly become real, i truly believe i would kill myself on the spot.

"but, khris, don't you think that would be a little extreme?" no.

i hate to sound like a typical "no one understands!" teenager, but truly, you don't understand. i've been through so much, and some of those things i simply can't put into words, and if i do somehow have the words, i'm to afraid to verbalize them. but these music artists, their transcendent lyrics combined with their beautiful instrumentations and melodies, say it for me. they speak aloud what i am to afraid to. or they are the comforting, warm hug that i either cannot receive or am too afraid to ask for.

whether i'm feeling the urge to hurt myself, or have just done so, "hold on til may" by pierce the veil is the friend that bandages and kisses my wrist, or kisses my scars and says "this feeling will pass."

when i feel like my own body is a cage, and i want to bend the bars and escape from it, "this is home" by cavetown is the companion that tells me "i know it hurts. but i've hurt like this, too, and it will be alright."

i hear music and i physically cannot stay still. i will never comprehend my fellow peers who, on the bus to school, put their headphones in and go to sleep. i can't do that. i have to do SOMETHING. tap my foot, bob my head, sing along. i will walk the halls at school and listen to my music, and i quite literally dance rather than walk to my classes. of course, there are students that look at me like i'm crazy, but i don't care. if i'm standing while music is playing, my body has to be swirling around in sync with it like a galaxy of stars. 

i feel like no one understands how close i hold music to my heart, but that's alright, because the people who create the music understand it. even if they don't know i exist, our hearts are belting the same melody, thumping with same pulsing bass line as i let their lyrics fill my soul to bursting.