thinking [1]

thinking

I wish I didn't think too much, right now -- I'm thinking my ceiling fan is going to fall on me and I'll die because of the blades spinning so fast. I know a lot of people think too much and I should probably stop and just enjoy life as it is but we only have one life (except for the people who believe in reincarnation). I've made peace with death but you know what I haven't made peace with? the fact that everyone I know around me will never exist one day, I mean in a living, breathing, alive sense. Everyone dies but I can't accept the fact that these loving people around me will die one day and no one will remember them. I'm scared that I will never meet anyone else like them and maybe that's the "fun" part (the getting to know other people part) but no one will know them the way I knew them. I'm scared that If I die first, My friends and relatives won't have anyone to put flowers on their graves and tell generations after generations about how good they are / were. I'm scared that one day, when they pass, they will ACTUALLY pass and it's not some sort of sick joke and that I'll never see them ever again. I hate thinking of it, but when it's late at night and I'm laughing with people or I'm alone, the thought haunts me. One day, no one will be able to know how much love, care, and joy they've given me & other people.