8/27

this is a vent. i talk about self harm, okay? fuck off.

seven fucking months. gone. vanished in the blink of an eye. i don't know why i did it. it didn't even make me fucking feel better. just a little longer, and it would've been a year before i knew it. it's nowhere near as bad as what i've done in the past, but i still fucking did it, and that still makes it a relapse, and i'm so. fucking. disappointed and angry with myself. i don't even know why. it would be easier if i knew why, and i don't even want to tell anyone because good GOD, i'm so fucking ashamed of myself. i tried not to. "you're going to the beach on friday, c'mon, you don't need to fucking do this." i told myself. i tried the stupid retarded rubber band trick, and here the fuck i am. fuck my life. i didn't mean to, it just happened. i wish it hadn't. scientists, hurry the fuck up and invent time machines so i can undo this. why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why am i so STUPID. god damn it. i'm sure i'll wake up tomorrow and feel fine again and be like "what the fuck, why did i do that, i'm literally fine." if you get what i mean, but it's too fucking late for that. i guess i'll just start from square one all over again.