feeling depressed </3

lately i’ve been feeling depressed. life has just felt meaningless. i’ve been spending hours doing the same thing day after day and i reap no reward. i’ve been wondering what the purpose of it all is. why do i keep going and doing all this shit when at the end of the day it’s pointless. it’s fine though. i don’t self harm or drink anymore. the doctor said drinking messes with my bipolar meds. my mom doesn’t like when the doctor says she thinks i’m bipolar. accepting i have anxiety and depression was already a lot for her. i’ve been wondering why mom is so against me being broken. i don’t want to be this way but it’s not my fault. she can’t just deny who i am. what i am. i wonder what death is like. is it painful. is it something scary. i dont fear death. i think its all just a part of life. that’s just me tho.