trying to blog

is it weird that i'm really bad at journaling? i've never been good at it. i always feel self-conscious, as if anyone is looking at it or cares besides me..

anyway i'm so bored and uninspired i'm here out of desperation. figured i'd recap my summer.

i stayed behind at my old school after i graduated last may and worked at the museum for the summer. the school implemented a new enterprise/hr system in the spring semester and it was a nightmare. long story short they didn't pay me for 2 months. it was fucking crazy. mostly noting this so that i don't forget when they come begging me for alum money. there's no fucking way. i had to cry and beg the heads of hr to empathize with me which didn't work and i still had to file a state attorney general complaint to get them to pay me. literally in no other industry besides higher ed would something like this fly

anyway after working for a few months i moved to indiana about a week ago so i could start my phd. i hate it so far, which sucks. it has the humidity of massachusetts with the lack of tree cover of southern california. i think this might actually be hell. it feels So Bad to go outside. and guess what my stipend from here is ALSO late. a week late rather than 2 months but still. i'm really hopeful that i'll deposit tomorrow because i'm absolutely fucking broke and i don't even have furniture.... i'm really sad in my new, empty little house that's not in the greatest location. also abortion is completely illegal here which makes me so fucking mad. imagine thinking you have the right to restrict access to normal healthcare. i want to get knocked up just so i can have a spite abortion in illinois and send the video to the governor. rinse and repeat until the idiot begs for mercy

just a reminder <3!

so anyway classes start tomorrow. i'm hoping once i'm back in The Academy my extreme boredom and loneliness will ease a little bit. i'm not super in love with any of the topics i'm doing this semester; i'm taking historiography, a class on print and the origin of modern media(and/or) a class on early gothic art, and russian. i'm also a little stressed because the first russian class was today and i took a placement test last week and haven't heard back from them yet so i'm missing it, which matters with language study. but i'm trying to tell myself that everything will be okay. i just need to be patient and things will fall into place on their own.

i wish i were enjoying this a lot more. like. it's really special that i'm getting a phd. i'll be the first in my family to have one. i went from high school dropout to phd student. and i truly love my work, my research, learning the languages i study... i even love the departments and programs i'm in and the school. my advisor really believes in my research approach and he's so genuinely excited that i'm here, it makes me really emotional, it's not something i'm used to, being respected and taken seriously for stuff that matters to me. when i started school the last time i was so starry-eyed of fulfilling a dream that i was just purely excited. maybe it's because i didn't hit the ground running and had already been living in the state where i was attending school. i don't know.

i hope things get better soon.