Sleep Fool

Sleep is an issue. Putting the head down and saying "Okay buddy, here we go, end the thoughts NOW". Yeah... doesn't really work too well. It's a constant mishapen spiral, an irregular polygon of spirit just shifiting between anxiety, mindless tasks and existential dread. The perfect film to end your day of hard work, and the perfect sedative to get you to rest. 

I'm starting to think, what if I accept? I cannot sleep, therefore I must do. Get up and get at it. Why not? This pull of time constantly goes foward, let me start to do the work. Maybe I get up to meditate, drink water... sure. Alternatives can begin as well - let me just figure out these thoughts, take the tangled rope of string and untangle it until I can rest. Hard work, yes but do-able? Yes.

There's a constant do or don't and most times we don't apply that to things that need it most. A deep resided, self doubting, self hating, social antagonising, anxiety is within me, and a constant spiral of emotion and energy pours out. It's a willy wonka factory of bullshit. Yet, I do. I get on that fucking bus, I ride it and I exit, I continue to move, I sell, I seek, I buy, I create. Fuck it. Without the detail, life threatening disease can do that. Yet we all have that same disease... it's death. 

So, continue to do. "But, but mr. anonymous what if I lack the motivation or circumstances to do so?".

You don't. You're not doing. You are the opposite of doing. Just do. There is no good, no bad, no failure. It's just doing. At least you're doing, and enough doing becomes something. If you fail, you still did. If you win then even better. There's no such thing as motivation or hope, just discipline. You can do it. 

I slept restfull. I will sleep again.