ignore my previous entry

He was just using me

the promise of bringing him to the city and all was that he gets a job so that we can live comfortably without entirely countring on my father. instead its been 9 months and he hasnt worked more than 3 days.

hes cost me over 8 thousand as he has so many bad habits and issues, addictions whatever, so i had to pay for them all as he doesnt have any money.
he brought a cat with fleas over, i love her to bits but i cant take care of a cat, plus shes infected my whole house. 

he snapped one day, punched, reapeatedly, my best friend (a close friend of his too) after my friend said like 'calm down youre not at your mothers house" and so thats ending in a lawsuit...

all the memories are making me wanna stay with him but i know its never gonna work again, we went too far and broke it into too many pieces, most having been lost and making it impossible to repair anyways

our other friends keep saying like "hes doing his best to change, hes making it right for you" but its too late, the damage is done. it hurts to even think about him, the 15k photos together, the memories, i dont even know what the fuck im supposed to do with any of it....?

im tryna get around, talk to new people, have parties, make friends and anything a girl my age may do after a breakup, but istg its not helping in the longrun cause weve been together for so long that flirting with anyone feels like cheating, even if i know were not together anymore

i left him, said were gonna take a break, but i know the break is just gonna end in us separating

(written at 6am, posted late cause i fell asleep while writing, update coming soon)