(w.i.p) Yearning for an empty face.

Author notes; this story unfinished and needs work, so do give me a little slack. 

Also I wasn't born during the 90's so if I got the use of some technology wrong do write. 

Or if you want to give me comments I would appreciate it so much!!!!! 

TW: they are both boys.

summer of 2000

A fic by carroty75

Ashley and Cheio.
 Both long time childhood friends, never knowing the spark that started their long term bro-ship as they call it. However Ashley says it started in a winter night after a snow storm, and they always stuck by each other after that. Cheio made the most out of every situation, and Ashley tried to keep it real; though they clash, fight, and bother each other. they loved to have someone that understood them, with them showing their skills through the year, with Ashley he was already ahead of everyone with computers, and cheio having a head up with art. they never knew it but this was already setting their microscopic differences.
 Throughout their awkward child to teen years they kept that spark going, Cheio and Ashley would hang around together non-stop. with not a day spent with at least a call or a long conversation in the bus area before Cheio would have to leave in his bus early, and Ashley had to wait until home to call cheio. Through the late years however some rough patches were in due, as Cheio was falling behind slowly, and yet ashley tried to help in every way he could. When 11th grade came however, Ashley had to make a choice. A choice between going further into his small passion of coding, machinery, and technology; or his friend who had been with him his whole life, to his parents. It seemed like a small trade, after all their parents haven't meet eye-to-eye. With both thinking they were gay, and looking with distain towards it. To Ashley, it meant loneliness or having someone with you at all times. They were closer then anyone else in their lives.
 Cheio knew he was holding Ashley back, He was a middle child, had average grades despite studying harder and no gold metal to show for it, his siblings always passed by him, sports or writing. Cheio knew Ashley was an only child, he had to make them proud.Finally, on the winter break the same day and hour.

winter 1997

 Like a motifs, a snow storm that held them up in the high school for the night. So when they found each other sneaking out of the school, it felt like a awkward reunion. Covered heavily and yet feeling like the winter air was still on their fur. They both decided to walk towards the grocery store nearby. The tension between the two as they were walking was felt, they both knew what had to happen. Trying to enjoy their time together before the end of it. At least 4 more hours until the snow started to thin, but it felt like too little time for them. They awkwardly held hands for the first time; when cheio and Ashley were close together, nothing had been said but Ashley wanted to make every hour with him count. A small spark of love was ignited there in that moment, while yes it had always been there. Cheio wasn't open to the idea, but Ashley had always felt it. It was building inside of him, and this was a bold move. Cheio looked at Ashleys fingers wrapped in his, he was flustered. Scared of what to say, do, or think even. For just a minute they felt a bliss, that calmed their minds. Rather Some emotional cloud had just vanished, they knew it was wrong. For different reasons, they wanted this to last forever. tears almost fusing up on both of their eyes, the friendship they knew would end. However they wanted this moment to last forever, of them holding hands ever so slightly and awkwardly. 16 days later, they would stop talking to each other. Cheio would try calling, for days. Nothing but long rings rang in his ears for hours. Once the new semester came through, Ashley was nowhere around, even his locker was empty. Stickers and notes, gone. Like he had never existed in the school. The only thing left was a carving on a brick, from when they were freshmen. Cheio never forgot Ashley, he hoped Ashley wouldn't forget him either.

July 25, 2000

Summer before college, Ashley went to a school farther but better. Yet he felt the same tired self, higher then everyone's grades and passing through the tests like a book. Summer came round and he stuck himself in the room, on the bed all day and night. Hoping a call would come through, a small chance he just hoped for. Yet no calls were to be taken, he put two and two together and saw that their parents blocked their landline. Something that felt like an annoyance was his heaven, nothing to bring him any reason to go out. In the cold rest of his bed and pillows, a warm glove he would hold in the exact same hand everyday.
 Cheio finally got smart and started to use his art to land places, at first it was for the money, but then he found out that he could go places with his art career. Soon enough, he was commissioned by small schools and public colleges. He found his way around, and yet. It wasn't making him happy, that hand that painted all the portraits felt empty. With everyday, after each painfully detailed wall, painting, or design; He painted Ashley, and yet everyday he found himself painting Ashley. Each painting getting slowly more detailed, with his exact coat, color of hair, sparkle in his eye,what aisle, tile they were standing on. Just to get everything right, to his emotion on that night. This endeavor started after he felt a burning handle at a store once, the store was apologizing left and right. Yet he felt sadden, only a brief warmth he once held gone again. Both of them felt trapped in this memory that was the past, and yet never reached out because of fear of each other's love. This envy was so strong in their hearts. Their friendship had been what made them happy, what made them anticipate a morning and night. The passionate thoughts of each other in their hearts played like a broken record, neither one got tired of yearning.
 They both made friends within their respective fields,but they only felt like acquaints to them.
 It felt like they were living with half a heart, and they needed their half. Cheio painted Ashley's face with passionate romance he never felt towards anyone else. He wasn't ugly but he was above average, and some girls before tried to ask him out. To him however, it never felt right. No matter how pretty, Ashley's face was the only one he could've though of.
 Ashley himself was more nerdy looking, scrawny with usually unkempt hair and glasses. A very specific type of taste of man, but no one who has the time would waste it on dating. Ashley never had such luck as Cheio, only skills in handwork. This did not help him but it made him feel helpful, like before burying his feeling in tasks.

August 5, 2000

Ashley while helping out a acquaint of his, noticed a style of color too familiar and different, near where his old school was. His eyes flooding with tears and yet, nothing about it was sad. It was his fur color, on the walls. He almost breaks down immediately, but through the floor of waving tears in his eyes and the sickly passionate yearn on the wall. He felt warmth again, not from this. Knowing that Cheio was still sickly thoughtful about that day, still remembering that day. He felt malcontent making him wait, for so long he had still wanted him back. After the day ended he went online, looking for artists for trade or commission and yet nothing. Ashamed and only feeling the warmth in his heart and his ears drumming, still tried all night looking for Cheio. Like a dying fish going towards a pond that is mere seconds away, yet flopping backwards. Cheio was on his mind, did he remember what it was like still? The cold breeze of the grocery store, the warming coats, gloves on the back pocket, and the smell of cut meat in the air. Forgetting he is moving to the dorms soon, he still browses. Only falling asleep after his poor body cannot take it, his heart and soul want it but its body not meant for it.

Yet in the dreams he conjures up, it's that walk to the grocery store. and he can only see a buried face of Cheio, in the burring cold winter air. Ashley could only see a blur of his face, nothing else. It scared him to know that he is forgetting his face, the person who had his back for him was disappearing from him memory despite how important to him he was. Ashley felt guilty not even remembering his face, knowing he wanted cheio to remember his but himself not wanting to. It fueled him with such guilt that even in the bliss of his on head, the weight of leaving him still weighted. Ever so slowly he drifted slowly back again to sleep, he worked his body tried enough he didn't need to work his mind too.

August 6, 2000

Cheio started to wake every muscle sore, still gripping his pillow between his arm and legs. All in his mind was college, work and the loneliness was soon to set in. To Cheio a normal day was more lonely then he would like to be, and every hour felt like a drag. After putting on his pants on he looked at the many paintings of Ashley, his face gave him enough energy to get out of the comfort of his bed and carry on. They walked towards the mirror seeing their body, unhappy and unsure how to feel about it. It wasn't to his image, but then again he really didn't have an image of what he should look like. As a younger teen cheio was a healthy size, he was still a healthy size but it didn't feel like him. He grabbed what little stomach he had, but he felt so empty. Then a ring of a phone perked his ears again, the ringing still made him think of Ashleys face. The voice still rung his ears that faded away in his life, he never resented what Ashley did. He should take the opportunity to be better, and even without him. Cheio still wanted Ashley happy, with or without him. He came to the ringing noise that was the phone, he immediately picked it up. Then a voice he though sounded familiar, spoke to him said."Well, after many hours of reviewing your application to join UT-SCO-RGV. We thought you were below standards." He felt the air out of his lungs choke him, the silence was loud through the empty house. "However your contributions to the community and around the area has interested us. We trust that you will become a top student, many people talked about your quick rise to the top. So we trust you will rise to be a top student, although we will keep an eye out even for the slightly dip in your grade. Make your future brighter, with us." A click was heard as he hung the phone back onto the wall, he felt so relieved. The air filled his lungs with a new enthusiasm, the world felt alright again. It wasn't ashley, but it could be the step he needed to see him again. Same college, and maybe they could meet once more. Hope filled every inch of his mind, and every thought closer to bliss. the morning felt so fast for him, with the air of new hope. breakfast, his confidence, his enthusiasm, swore and made his day feel so much easier. Cheio's head was empty of negative thoughts.