actually been feeling good lately

Summer is almost over, and earlier I realized that, for the past week at least, I've actually been feeling happy.  It's kind of weird because usually I'm miserable about something whether it be reasonable or not.  I think the reason that it took me so long to realize this is that somewhere in my mind I didn't want to be happy.  I guess that for so long my mental issues influenced my perspective so heavily that I was scared that if I stopped being miserable, I would also stop being myself.  I've been thinking that who you are isn't defined by your sadness, it's defined by how you overcome it and live despite it.  That sounds kind of corny now that I'm writing it down, but I think it's a nice sentiment

I probably just feel like this because there's no school.  When I have to be around those people and pretend to like them for hours a day, I start thinking and doing things that don't make any sense.  When school starts next week, I bet I'll be exactly the same as I was before summer started.  I doubt there's anything I can do about it.  A new vape would be nice