I’ve been very suicidal lately

I know that relationships will never last but this one has to be my worst to ever endure. Freedom was something that I felt with him and the feeling of safety and comfort in his arms made me think that he was truly the one and that he would never hurt me. It’s mostly why I’m so devastated, I put in so much attachment that I never realize that I could’ve been abandoned. I thought he was just so different and he was more mature than me but he developed anger issues and directed that anger at me and it makes me feel like I’m being treated so unfairly. This anxious feeling doesn’t go away easily but im trying so hard to let myself be happy. Being numb truly hurts and all I can think about is how I might end my life because now I truly think there is no one who can actually love me unconditionally anymore. I had my hopes too high and now it’s taking such a toll on my mind. Everyday waking up I have anxiety attacks and I just wish someone could please help me through this. I’ve been reaching out to so many of my friends and teachers but it’s just not working, I realize now that I have stop being so dependent on people before I get attached to them so much. I know if I didn’t try hard enough to get him back he would just leave me and neglect my suffering, and I would’ve been dead already. I don’t know what to do with myself anymore and I can’t seem to live normally, it’s like my life has been truly ruined. When I needed him the most he wanted me gone. 

I’m very exhausted, and it’s tiring to reach out for help every single day. I want to sleep forever and not worry about myself anymore.