the words i cant say

a goodbye, an apology, and a love letter

khylee,

today i woke up thinking of you after a long time of forgetting you. im sorry for being immature and weird and that it broke up our friendship. you were my first best friend and for a while my only one. i wonder if you still dance, i wonder if you think of me, and i wonder if you considered me your best friend. we didnt have much in common but i guess stuff like that doesnt matter in 5th grade. when you moved in middle school, i was the tiniest bit excited because i was embarrassed to see you and sit next to you every day after we werent friends anymore. i just hope you stayed that little boy with so much confidence and kindness in your heart. i hope you think of me again sometime, otherwise this is so embarrassing.

-your old friend

rey,

im sorry for leaving you behind. i know being your cousin means always being connected regardless but i cant help but mourn over the loss of our friendship. i think back and remember that what i did to you was the exact thing my siblings did to me at your age. it was a pathetic attempt at wanting to be an adult at 13 and seperating myself from my duties as a babysitter, but being close with you was never babysitting to me. i wish youd text me again and want to play roblox with me like when you were 10. i know we were bound to grow apart becasue you had friends you went to school with and saw all the time and atleast you arent lonely, but i still cant help feeling like i abandoned you. im sorry for everything and i hope youre doing well especially now that you're a sophmore i guess we had to grow up sometime.

-your older cousin

christian,

when you came up to me at the mall, all the unresolved feelings i had for you came rushing back. i missed seeing your face everyday in comp. sci. and i was devastated when you walked the stage leaving me with not even a kiss. granted i dont even know if you like boys or whatever i am. all i know is that you were so kind to me when i first moved here, you acknowledged me when i thought i was invisible, and you snuck your way into my heart. i love how youre so passionate about being a developer and that youre so talented at 3d art. i constantly find myself daydreaming about us and how in a world of people who would only want me for my body, youd love me for my soul. these feelings seem so kiddish and sophomoric on paper but when i think of you i feel like i could love you forever. we could share inside jokes, hold hands walking down the street, and we could understand each other. at your core you are charismatic, kind, and so extremely loveable id die before letting you know how i feel because its all just so pathetic. i hope you find it in your heart to forgive me for being weird and off-putting. i love you.

-your secret admirer