8/22

tw// body dysmorphia, sh & (brief) ed mention

so i've been recovered from my anorexia for a WHILE now, but i'm sort of......scared, i guess? because lately i've been having that icky, insecure feeling about my appearance again and that's sort of how my eating disorder started in the first place. i want to tell my boyfriend, but he's got his own issues right now (such as struggling with cutting), so i really don't want to worry him, or my band director who is a close family friend and like a father figure to me because he saw me when i was deepest in my eating disorder last marching band season. i myself have also sort of keep randomly feeling like hurting myself again, but i REALLY don't want to tell my boyfriend that and have him feel as if it's fault. because it's not. i don't know why i've been feeling like this again. and i want it to stop. to go away. i don't want to fall back into the dark place i was in sophomore year. i can't handle it.

i don't know what to do.