I’m scared of High School (and the future in general)

I know i’m not the only person that feels this way. High school is so far away, at least for me a year from now on is far. I’m still so horrified of it. Thinking about going to a different school? No thanks. I don’t even know what I want to be when I grow up,,, even as a kid I never had an answer for it.

I used to say “oh an author!” but I really didn’t think I was gonna go in that direction? I like writing but not to the point it was gonna be my career choice. I’m mediocre in it anyways, I don’t think i’d excel in it. I don’t excel in anything.

My grades are shit, my drawing skills? Just okay, I already told you about my writing, I can play basketball.. but a lot of people are better in it, guitar? singing? I sound like a dying rat and I can barely play the guitar.

I’m just okay in everything I like. I like English? maybe I could go into a career based off of that. But the choices I have are mostly speaking based ones and I’m TERRIFIED of public speaking.

My dad says that middle school is where you have fun. You study, make friends, go to places, etc. High school is where you study! you study a lot and think about what career you want, you keep the friends you made close to you. I don’t even have friends.  

I feel like such a failure because my parents went through so much to get us where we’re at right now. I’m scared for my future and I’m scared of everything. Maybe this is just teen angst. Maybe it’s just past 9? I’m just overwhelmed. I’ll wake up and see this blog and cringe.

First post on here and it’s a vent. Lol It’s whatever

(Also it’s really odd saying middle school. I’d say SMP and SMA but that’s even more weird imo. Everything is weird and uncool at this age??? Woah I’m shocked)