deaf but not defeated??

so, im deaf as hell, and its not something i exactly love, but i do appreciate my life. its tough sometimes, and there are definitely challenges. some days, i wish things were different, and it can be really hard. but overall, ive got a lot to be thankful for. even if i dont love everything about my situation, i try to stay positive. some people are so mean nowadays, anyways i do get treated differently sometimes, and it makes me feel pretty lonely. like when im playing games and everyone asks for a mic, i cant join. i end up feeling isolated bc i cant talk or hear, i always wish i were hearing like everyone else. when people for voicechat. i just ghost them bc im too shy or scared to tell them im deaf. i worry they will stop talking to me or make fun of me. i often feel like a burden when i need help with an interpreter or when people dont seem to need my help. id be nice to be included more, especially if i were dating someone hearing. i hate not being able to listen to music or sing along bc i know itd be really amazing. i wish i could understand the lyrics instead of js feeling the beats. its frustrating when people say they want to learn asl but never actually do. its like if u cared, you'd learn it already. its a pain ass when people say its too hard- like sorry??? this is my reality brah. it hurts so much being left out when im with family and seeing everyone laughing while im clueless about whats funny or smth. and when someone i care about doesnt seem interested in learning asl to communicate with me better, its a real kick in the teeth. but on the flip side, i do like my life bc i dont have to deal with annoying sounds or noisy headaches. there are benefits to being deaf, im grateful for those. making friends irl is rlly tough bc not many people know asl or want to learn it, i have some deaf friends and hearing family but its hard to hang out in person. id much rather hang out than just text or be otp. sorry a lot of words to read, i js wanted to vent but thank you for your time! take care, guys :3