Back Against the Wall

I think about all the times I dreamed about going to parties when I was younger, but in my entire life I've never gone to one single party that wasn't some lame bday or bridal shower or wedding. I mean, weddings are pretty cool (I've only been to one) but they're not like... the cool, fun, drink until you black out, bumps, make out with a stranger in a bedroom, try not to get roofied type of party. Not that I'd want to go to that type of party anyway. I don't think I could get my party girl on even if I tried. I'd be blankly staring at a panoramic of people who I could never talk to.

I think I'm just lonely and I just want to imitate what I see on TV. Deep down, I know that I could never be the cool pretty party fun vapid girl that I used to want to be (for some reason). Lack of friends also contributes to never going to a party also, I think. Yeah, maybe it's just the loneliness.

I'm at home playing VN's and smoking a bowl at 8pm, instead of at a party with my back against the wall.