full moon [8/20/24]

there's this sort of tradition we do where i live for every full moon during the summer, everyone from teenagers to like young adults to uni students to whatever goes camping at the beach to see the moon and stays there until morning. it's a whole thing, bus schedules and camping and fire regulations change for it and shit. 

and i went, even though aside from my couple close friends the group i was with wasn't my type of company. cause i felt like i needed to do something. get out of my room. not waste my entire summer, maybe. 

really, it wasn't all that, i stayed up all night on oreos and cheap wine listening to music by the sea instead of staying up all night on oreos and cheap wine listening to music in my bedroom. but somehow i'm still glad i did something. then again, now that i did it it's hard to ignore that it kind of was nothing.

which is stupid. cause it shouldn't be. it was fun. i had company. we lit a fire, we swam, whatever. it should've been the type of thing where i'll turn to my friends in six months and be like "wow it was so fun that we did that" and yet. idk. 

i did get a migraine until like 4 am, which wasn't great considering the chaos everywhere. but aside from that it was fine. i've had way less successful full moon experiences. i've been on the beach before freezing with no fire and no food and no water because we were badly prepared, and i've been on that beach shaking and crying at 5 am once everyone drops dead sleeping.

this was nice. we were well prepared and i felt fine and i hung out with my friends and i didn't freeze or starve or break down. yet i don't really care for it. i feel like i should've. and that's even stupider, cause i'm getting fomo over something i didn't even miss out on.