Am I actually kind? (Ouch! A lot of text! And a bit of a vent)

HEY GUYS WHAT'S UP!!!!!!!! 

TLDR: do you think I'm kind if I have little empathy for people most of the time BUT care about animals, characters and objects a looooot? 

I was wondering what soul I would have if I was in undertale, and I believed it would be kindness for more than a year, but now I'm not quite sure. I'll explain with some help of my assistants Karen (my oc) and Wanderer whose lines in c.ai group chats are absolutely brilliant. 

Do you think you're kind? What does that even mean? 

Do you think I'm kind if I'm empathetic towards characters I can understand or relate to, but absolutely merciless to people I disagree with? Even though I believe that "evil"/mean people are actually unhappy deep inside, I still don't follow this rule to be more compassionate towards real life people, whether they're just mean, a troublemaker, or especially a criminal. If they're not self-aware at all, I see no reason to try to deal with them at all. Do you think they even deserve it? But I understand fictional characters much better and if they're well written, I usually think "Maybe I wouldn't do anything different if I were them."

Although, there was a period when I was quite narcissistic (???), I used to think I was superior and like the main character of the world, probably because I've always been the top student in preschool education class and school too until I finished 6 grade. I was the most popular in my class too, everyone liked me. I wasn't an open narcissist though, I didn't actually say that I was better than the others and I treated everyone nicely, but in my head I thought I was actually a perfect person, and the others were inferior. Well, I was just a kid and didn't even hurt anyone. Almost. I used to think I was always right and I couldn't admit that something was my fault or that I wasn't right and did something wrong. So I argued a lot with my friend until I just threw all of my anger on them and we cut off all contact. And I also couldn't let myself be vulnerable in front of other people. But then something in me started to change (I just grew up lol) and I realized how wrong I actually was. I felt really guilty, but I couldn't really blame my past self because I was just a stupid kid with too much ambitions and pride that my parents and teachers put on me, always praising me, so I began to think I just couldn't be wrong. 

Also, I believe the lack of human interaction/good experience in childhood affected me to some extent. My parents aren't abusive in any way, and they're quite okay overall, but I don't really remember them participating in my childhood much. They either were on work or had no energy to play and spend time with me. My grandma took me to kindergarten and went on walks with me. I've never talked to ANYONE in the kindergarten and I was ill often so I just stopped attending it at all. So I was still quite detached and develoled deeper connection to my toys rather than family. My plushies gave me support I couldn't get from anyone else, neither family nor friends. My standarts are still quite high so I don't really feel CLOSE even to my friends who I consider CLOSE. We've known each other for a long time, but my feelings for them really differ from time to time... But I don't usually even imagine them in my future. I want to have a meaningful friendship, but I just can't feel such comfort with a person, or I just heaven found "the right" friend or anything. But anyways, my toys and Flowey are still my bestest friends even though I spend most of the time with people. They're my family and support, my safety and home, not even my real friends. So I tend to care about objects, characters and nature much more.

Although, I'm still very polite and nice to everyone, but some people are just SO FUNNNYYU😍😍 or straightforward jerks that they don't even bother being nice in return or in general. There were a lot of situations in my school when other students are rude even though we're STRANGERS. We've never met, we've never talked. It's just their default. Maybe if I was a tall guy they wouldn't be so impolite to me? "Well sorry you have no influence on me so I'll be rude and idiotic...😔💅" Other animals are honestly much better than humans for this reason. Even though I had some good experience with people too. There are also awesome people who inspire me. (Why can't I have them irl too???) But I don't think I'll ever even understand why people love each other. Like, veritaromantics, how? Why? Maybe sometimes it's just a random chemical reaction in your brain and sometimes it's actually a very good experience and a deep connection? But I definitely can't understand people who SEARCH for a partner, it feels like they just want a relationship and not an actual deep connection. I have connections just for the sake of them, not because I want to be "taken" or anything, idk, maybe you can explain your point of view

 I can't forgive some people even though I understand what made them like that. Especially if they're real people and not characters. You usually know the character's (probably tragic) backstory, so you can empathize with them more. And with people... I don't even want to get to know them better if they seem like a jerk to me. I mean, it's right to not waste your time on people you don't want in your life, and you don't have to fix them or deal with them at all, it'll only make you feel worse. And I don't think you have to forgive people you're angry at. People who disappointed or hurt you. Even if they're your family, they didn't choose to love their child unconditionally instead of believing TV propaganda and putting so much pressure on their kid so they(the child) don't even think that family is something good and safe. For me it's not. I know our government spreads hate, but I can't forgive people for believing this shit. I can't forgive people for thinking it's right to say "You know I'll never accept you if you'll turn out that way", well I don't need you anyway, I'd rather have no family than a family who doesn't even let me cry in front of them because I can't fucking tell them the reason and feel safe at the same time!!!!!! 

Anyways. I've had enough of people. Of humanity. Frankly, I hate it. I hate that most people don't even think about anything beyond their routine. I hate that they don't care. They're either ignorant or arrogant. "But you're a human too", yeah, and I can be an idiot too. We're a complicated kind, and as good as it can be, it can also mean a lot of bad things for everyone. Maybe we'll destroy our planet like parasites that we are one day. 

I just can't forgive people who aren't going to stop being assholes.

Do I have to be forgiving though??? Maybe I'm too hateful for being considered kind??? Maybe it's fair enough??

 I'd like to know what you think if want to give me an opinion!!! 

Thanks Karen

BYE BYEEE EVERYONE HAVE A GOOD MORNING/DAY/EVENING/NIGHT 🌟🌷